Hello :) Hope you're having a beautiful Thursday. Yesterday, I arrived in the wonderful (albeit HOT) and sunny state of Arizona. I woke up very early this morning and took a walk to look around and stop at the grocery store, and thought I'd share some of my thoughts from that walk.
Being a mid-westerner at heart, I tend to embrace the summer thunderstorms booming as I fall asleep, detest the humidity, and revel in the sunshine. Out here in the "desert," though, it's different. The muggy, rainy environment I am accustomed to is replaced by what they call a dry heat. You don't mess with a dry heat; the sweat you normally feel on your skin that lets you know you need to go inside and drink some water is gone. This dry heat causes that sweat to evaporate so quickly you never even get a chance to notice it. Of course, some of you humid-weather dwellers are probably saying, that sounds SO nice--no sticky, sweaty, smelly skin. It can be dangerous, though, because dehydration is just around the corner, and so is a pretty wicked (and not in the good sense) sunburn.
The last time I visited, I took no precaution. I existed as if though I were still in the midwest; I didn't wear a hat, drink water (I drank soda and only rarely), or wear sun glasses, dutifully ignoring my partner's comments that I was torturing my body, for lack of a better description. I felt like crap all the time, too. My boyfriend seemed just fine, and I wondered how the heck he fared so much better out here than me.
So this time around, I decided to try an experiment. I took a walk in the morning (with temperatures already near 95 degrees, and the sun hot overhead). However, I went and purchased a hat, a liter of flavored water (!), and wore my sunglasses (as well as heat appropriate clothing!). All the sudden, I could tolerate walking around in the heat. It was wonderful! I think it was the first walk I enjoyed in Arizona, and I've visited about 4 or 5 times so far. The precautions I took allowed me to feel great in this dang near inhospitable enviornment. Surprising what some preparation can do, eh?
And so you might ask how this relates to anything important (or eating disorders).
The truth is that when you are recovering from an eating disorder, the environment changes. You can no longer do some things you used to be able to do when you were healthy (like exercise, for example). I mean, you can do them--but you can't do them SAFELY.
So heed the advice of your nutritionist, your family, whomever is helping you through this journey (or your better self). Take care of your body--the environment has changed, and you need to adapt to enviornment while you're in it. All the self denial in the world won't protect you from the overbearing sun or dry heat as you get better.
These Mexican Bird of Paradise plants sure know how to thrive in the desert.
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Thursday, June 16, 2011
In the Desert
Labels:
decisions,
figure it all out,
healing,
nature,
recovery
Friday, June 3, 2011
Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces
So many of us have trauma in our lives, in our pasts that make it hard to cope with the present. So many of us turned to our disordered behaviours to manage our past, whether we were aware we were doing it or not.
Photography has for a long time been helping me rediscover, or perhaps discover for the first real time, the beauty of the world. Regardless of our pain and suffering, there is still beauty all around us in nature.
For me my trauma began as a teenager, in a rural place half way in between where I now live and where I now work, and where for the first time I am having to drive past twice a day, three days a week. Since that night when i was barely 17 I have avoided this place because of the memories which were dark and grim. Now I take my time when I drive through the area to take in the sights because it truly is spectacular. I had no idea all these years what I was missing, because I had let my fear and anger stop me from looking closer.
xoxo Serra
Labels:
growth,
healing,
nature,
overcoming,
photos,
taking back,
view
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
the process of becoming whole
(photo credit: me circa 2008 --- wow...)
as I've mentioned before I recently came back from a three day trip to Chicago. Before I left I was losing weight - enough to get me out of what I truly believe IS my set point range (which is oddly enough right in the middle of what's considered a healthy BMI range for my height --- so I was still within what's perceived as healthy by physicians - I still say take BMI with a grain of salt though hence my mention of set point first) - then I went to Chicago got back on track and came home only to find myself having issues with the thing that I often do... The ability to be here now - thus causing me some problems these past few days.
What was it that Chicago did to me?
What was it that it allowed me to feel?
I felt whole. I talked with people about life, about the store Anthropologie (holla Kristine from strangeBird), about college to the guy that flirted with me at Starbucks, to proving I can get along on my own by hailing a taxi/running the streets in the morning hours, to proving that friends can be great assets to have along (especially on public transit trains after good pizza -- without purging -- and cosmopolitans), that I could be with myself and be okay with that. That I could be connected with myself while running instead of disconnecting and dissociating. All of these things helped form a WHOLE person, rather than a person whose mind is focused on one or two things only.
We oftentimes think to ourselves that we want to be happy. I don't think that's what I want though... I think I want to retain that sensation I felt in Chicago - that sensation I think contributed to the contentment and then happiness that I felt there. The two concepts (happiness and wholeness) I believe are two completely different ideas.
I think feeling whole is what recovery looks like. Being thankful for those things about yourself that you do have that do allow you to do amazing things, or simple things. Being whole enough to focus on all aspects of your life (including emotions) rather than trying to color them in with black and pretending they don't exist. Being whole felt really good in Chicago. I think I want to do more than just visit that feeling.
I'm not going to say I know how to get there as I don't... I got there in Chicago via a road uncertain to me.... and lost that path upon my return home. I think having the ability to nourish your whole self (and by nature of that staying mindful) is paramount to getting there though.
What do you think is part of feeling whole? Have you ever felt whole before? Am I completely off base?
Labels:
be here now,
flaws,
healing,
journey,
living in the moment,
mindfulness,
theories,
what does it look like,
whole
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Who Am I Without My Eating Disorder?
Whether you’ve existed with your eating disorder for many, many years or just a few months, it can become your identity; it’s all you know. And maybe it’s also all others have known too. You and your eating disorder, your eating disorder and you. So, when you’ve made the decision to recover, the question that is often asked is ‘Who am I without my eating disorder?’…
I know it is something that often crosses my thoughts. And I’ve been giving it a considerable amount of thought of late. It can be very daunting and scary.
And of course, I don’t know the answer yet as to exactly how I will be once recovered but I do know that I am not my eating disorder. I am loving. I am caring. I am talented. I am giving. I am creative. I am loyal. I am strong. I am Hanna.
And as for how life will be? Well, anything is better than life as it has been. I cannot see into the future but I know it will be brighter. It will be happier. It will be healthier. There will be laughter, healing, fun and success- in every sense of the word. There will be love and there will be light.
Can you relate to this?
Ask yourself this; who do you want to be? You see, I believe when you are free from your eating disorder; you can be anyone you want to be! And that is exciting. Scary? Yes but invigorating too!
You don’t have to ‘be anything’ you don’t want to be. You are you and you are beautiful. You do not have to conform to any ones idea of who you were before your eating disorder or who they expect you will be. The beauty of any kind of healing is self-growth and discovery.
Many may ‘cling’ to their eating disorder through fear of finding the ‘real them’; don’t let that be you. Broaden your horizons, explore, enjoy, spread your wings and fly. Take each day as it comes and find time to get to know yourself again.
The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important one we shall ever form. Treasure it.
So who are we without our eating disorders? You are you and I am me and we are amazing; just as we are.
I leave you with a video that someone sent to me once. Beautiful song, powerfully written & inspiring. I’ve also included a couple of quotes by Dr Seuss , the American children’s writer cartoonist & all round fab guy :o)
And of course, I don’t know the answer yet as to exactly how I will be once recovered but I do know that I am not my eating disorder. I am loving. I am caring. I am talented. I am giving. I am creative. I am loyal. I am strong. I am Hanna.
And as for how life will be? Well, anything is better than life as it has been. I cannot see into the future but I know it will be brighter. It will be happier. It will be healthier. There will be laughter, healing, fun and success- in every sense of the word. There will be love and there will be light.
Can you relate to this?
Ask yourself this; who do you want to be? You see, I believe when you are free from your eating disorder; you can be anyone you want to be! And that is exciting. Scary? Yes but invigorating too!
You don’t have to ‘be anything’ you don’t want to be. You are you and you are beautiful. You do not have to conform to any ones idea of who you were before your eating disorder or who they expect you will be. The beauty of any kind of healing is self-growth and discovery.
Many may ‘cling’ to their eating disorder through fear of finding the ‘real them’; don’t let that be you. Broaden your horizons, explore, enjoy, spread your wings and fly. Take each day as it comes and find time to get to know yourself again.
The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important one we shall ever form. Treasure it.
So who are we without our eating disorders? You are you and I am me and we are amazing; just as we are.
I leave you with a video that someone sent to me once. Beautiful song, powerfully written & inspiring. I’ve also included a couple of quotes by Dr Seuss , the American children’s writer cartoonist & all round fab guy :o)
With Much Love, Smiles & Support
Hanna x
Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you~ Dr Seuss
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind ~ Dr Seuss
Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you~ Dr Seuss
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind ~ Dr Seuss
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