i have flaws

I just got tv. For the first time since maybe 2007, I have a TV AND cable... Pair that with the fact that I'm down to one job and it means I'm watching some guilty pleasures such as Toddlers and Tiaras. The current episode that's streaming via AT&T Uverse features a girl whose mother has no expectations for her telling her she looks like a giraffe. When filling out her information form her father jokes about putting "making some guys' life miserable" under the "future aspirations" section.

LINK TO VIDEO CLIP OF THE EPISODE

They segued into an interview with the girl herself and she said something akin to, "I'm not perfect... but I promise I do try to be. I'm just not there yet. Sometimes I am though."

She looked sad and eager at the same time...and it broke my heart watching it.

I think a lot of people would say I'm fairly successful... but I have news for you. I have flaws and it's okay.

I'm not ashamed I have flaws. I'm not perfect and you know what? It makes life more interesting. To prove that there's no shame in flaws, I'm going to let you in on some secrets of mine...





I have still not unpacked a few boxes as I procrastinate a lot on things that don't seem too important to me.

I usually (read: near always) miss a patch when I shave my legs


Sometimes I forget to take a towel into the bathroom when going in for a shower...

More often than I'd like I don't get maximum points on tests or projects

Sometimes I forget things - my checkbook, my wallet, my cell phone especially, sometimes school assignments


Sometimes I get dates mixed up


Sometimes I watch shows like Toddlers and Tiaras and movies like Fried Green Tomatoes

sometimes I forget to shave my armpits and realize when I stretch while wearing something sleeveless

I eat dessert more often than you'd think and I'm completely okay with that fact

I oftentimes will leave half full bottles of water around my house


I have a true fear of wearing pants related to body image issues that I'm working on


I eat possibly too much pumpkin in the fall... or rather it composes a possibly too highly percentage of my daily intake


I'm not good at returning phone calls or answering my phone


But you know what? All of these flaws. All of these quirks. They are what make me a whole person. They are what make me me. They don't define me, but they are a part of me. Part of this person that I'm growing to love.


this person that adopts cute little doggies that have bunny ears (one of which is flipped over in this picture):

the process of becoming whole

 (photo credit: me circa 2008 --- wow...)

as I've mentioned before I recently came back from a three day trip to Chicago.  Before I left I was losing weight - enough to get me out of what I truly believe IS my set point range (which is oddly enough right in the middle of what's considered a healthy BMI range for my height --- so I was still within what's perceived as healthy by physicians - I still say take BMI with a grain of salt though hence my mention of set point first) - then I went to Chicago got back on track and came home only to find myself having issues with the thing that I often do... The ability to be here now - thus causing me some problems these past few days.

What was it that Chicago did  to me?

What was it that it allowed me to feel?

I felt whole. I talked with people about life, about the store Anthropologie (holla Kristine from strangeBird), about college to the guy that flirted with me at Starbucks, to proving I can get along on my own by hailing a taxi/running the streets in the morning hours, to proving that friends can be great assets to have along (especially on public transit trains after good pizza -- without purging -- and cosmopolitans), that I could be with myself and be okay with that. That I could be connected with myself while running instead of disconnecting and dissociating. All of these things helped form a WHOLE person, rather than a person whose mind is focused on one or two things only.
We oftentimes think to ourselves that we want to be happy. I don't think that's what I want though... I think I want to retain that sensation I felt in Chicago - that sensation I think contributed to the contentment and then happiness that I felt there. The two concepts (happiness and wholeness) I believe are two completely different ideas.

I think feeling whole is what recovery looks like. Being thankful for those things about yourself that you do have that do allow you to do amazing things, or simple things. Being whole enough to focus on all aspects of your life (including emotions) rather than trying to color them in with black and pretending they don't exist. Being whole felt really good in Chicago. I think I want to do more than just visit that feeling.

I'm not going to say I know how to get there as I don't... I got there in Chicago via a road uncertain to me.... and lost that path upon my return home. I think having the ability to nourish your whole self (and by nature of that staying mindful) is paramount to getting there though.


What do you think is part of feeling whole? Have you ever felt whole before? Am I completely off base?

The Obesity/Emaciation Connection

I believe that behind both the person who weighs 400 pounds and the one who weighs 85 there is a lot of baggage, and it has nothing to do with their bodies.  - Kirstie Alley

I thought I posted this last night, but alas I find myself typing it again.

Not too terribly long ago I saw the first episode of Oprah's Addicted to Food and while I'm waiting to see a few more episodes before I form an opinion it did leave me thinking.... which is always a good thing. Even more recently I was over at Nourishing The Soul and was reading Ashley's post questioning do fat memories ever fade. Together the two of those things left me wondering a multitude of things... about anecdotes involving friends on the internet, about whether or not having cameras around would be good for treatment (though undoubtedly I imagine having them there outweighs not being in treatment at all), which in turn made me think of prohibitive treatment costs in the United States, and then I also thought of similarities.

What kind of similarities?

The similarities between those that are obese and those that are emaciated.


Aside from the fact that both have been on the rise... both impact millions of people (which right there makes me wonder if there IS a connection)...

If you examine the health effects of both you'll find that they share a lot of the same possible ones (obviously, not everyone that's emaciated or obese will have these, but these are the common ones). Infertility, negative change in blood pressure (extremely low in the emaciated, extremely high in the obese), heart problems, stroke, skin problems, bone problems (recent studies have concluded that obesity is bad for the bones - and osteoporosis for the emaciated), diabetes (type II for the obese, type I for the emaciated), and digestive issues.

The similarities do not end there. Treatment plans for both involve creating a healthy lifestyle and adjusting one's diet. As well as trying to pinpoint a cause for turning food into a weapon used against oneself.

Clothes shopping can be difficult for either party, not having any cute options, or having to find clothing in the children's department.

Having a stigma attached when going out in public is also present in both -- be it laziness that is often associated with the overweight... enough to make anyone self conscious of eating in public or going to a gym; or having people think you have an eating disorder or are "sick" if you're emaciated -- also complicating eating in public and going to the gym.

With all of these similarities why is the plan of attack so different for both?
While there is currently progress being made on banning emaciated models, that's about the extent of action being taken against those that are emaciated.

I worded it that way for a reason... because actions are currently being taken against the obese. If you haven't seen the childhood obesity ads from Georgia:

(photo credit to Huffington Post)

It's clear that there is a war being waged on the obese. Not only with advertisements, but also with taxes (taxation for products including fructose have been proposed as a means of countering obesity) ... extra costs for riding on airplanes... television shows such as The Biggest Loser... and whole campaigns targeted directly at them such as the one above. None of them, however, offering up proposals that deal with nutrition or developing healthy relationships with food.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to be one of the children featured in that ad. A walking example of something Georgia is telling their children they should not be. They're becoming a target for a nearly encouraged barrage of disdain since obesity intolerance is fairly socially acceptable.

Yes, I agree that obesity is not healthy, but I'm pretty sure we all knew that anyway.. before we decided that it was okay to label pictures of kids with a "warning"

I honestly wonder what would happen if we handled this with compassion or education instead of aggression and seemingly hate filled campaigns. I imagine quite a few obese individuals have eating disorders... In various forms such as bulimia, binge eating disorder, compulsive over eating, and ED-NOS (I think we forget anorexia and bulimia are not the only disorders out there and that anorectics don't become emaciated overnight). We should be tackling the question WHY?? instead of tackling the person.. or the food... Neither are the problem. While we're at it, we could be tackling the eating disorder crisis as well as the "obesity crisis" (as they may very well be one in the same) in this very same COMPASSIONATE way.

Just my thoughts... what are yours?

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DAY 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
I don't have a picture, but definitely dear Dani.

the body police

It's Wednesday already... I must agree with the lovely Kate from Tuesday who pondered where does the week go... Where did the day go for that matter?

Anyways... I was going to write about this song that's been stuck in my head... Pennies From Heaven (if you've never heard it.. you simply must)... but I've changed my mind

This concept struck me whilst at work watching women police their own bodies. That's what they appeared to be doing. Policing their bodies.

It's interesting. I did a radio interview  (you can listen to the archive of it here by clicking on March 7th) on Monday night with a good friend of mine, Erica. I discussed the advertising world (at the very end of the interview) and I've been developing my thoughts on the whole situation.

We're surrounded by the body police. We hear from them on the television. We see their words in magazines. Our friends morph into them occasionally. Strangers can become the body police. However, WE can also be our own body police.

The thing to remember here is that while it's easy to focus on the media, the one instance of the body police that we can truly change is the last one I mentioned. Ourselves.

You may be thinking to yourself that you don't police your own body. I assure it occurs far more often than what we'd think. I'm currently in college and have a job working in a fitting room. I hear women all the time come in and if some article of clothing does not fit them they initially turn to blaming themselves. Now let's look at that sentence structure really quickly. the verb "does" (in this case the negated verb) belongs to the noun "clothing" NOT "themselves". Meaning that it's the clothing that is doing it (or not doing it) NOT the person.

Clothing is cut different ways. Clothing sizes vary from brand to brand. Every woman has a unique shape. Look beyond the clothing. Usually when I have a woman start to berate herself, I offer (or try to) some insight into why that article is not working - I ALSO offer insight into what might work better that still fits their general style. I go out into the store, I grab some items, come back... they try them on - and usually they wind up feeling better. More assured.

However, it's still saddening how quick we are to think that there's a problem with our bodies. I think the media tells us to police ourselves, but if we quit doing it. Imagine what could happen. As Eve Ensler once said, "quit fixing your body. Start fixing the world"

so much energy exerted enveloping the role of the body police. we should really be policing how we communicate with ourselves.

how is your self communication today?

Self-Loathing... Self-Loving

It's the first day! It may take awhile for things to get in sync, so bear with us, but I have a really good feeling about this.

If you haven't already read what we're about or will be then let me fill you in real quick. We're a group of individuals coming together to share a variety of things. Some of us are active in eating disorder activism, some of us are in recovery from eating disorders, some of us know others who are struggling with the notion of self-love, and ALL of us want to share what's helped us, things we love, quotes that made us think, sparks of enlightenment that we've had, and other items such as artwork.

If you're interested in taking a day (or doing a guest post), let us know!
Email us at: recoveringinspirings@gmail.com

On this first day, I share with you something I posted on my journal/blog - I think it's really important though. Important enough to be brought over here.

=^..^=   =^..^=   =^..^=    =^..^=    =^..^= 

Self-loathing. 

The way that the media presents that to us leaves us with the notion that self-loathing is actually a form of character building. That self-loathing can lead to self improvement... and even make us better individuals as a result.

Look at the source of this message though... who in the media is telling us this? It's advertising companies... 

What do advertising companies do? Well, they get paid a lot of money to create advertisements  advertisements trying to convince us that we need to buy things... things to "improve" us... In order to make us want to improve ourselves... they have to make us think that we're flawed.

Here's the thing. We do have flaws. But those flaws make us perfect. We don't need to be fixed... and we don't need to loathe ourselves so some corporations can make money off us insecurities that they're exploiting or helping to create. Self-loathing doesn't build character... it builds them a larger pile of money.

Let's instead focus on doing something else... let's engage in some self-love. How do we engage in self-love?? By not buying into what the media is selling (the ideas that we are not enough without aid, assistance, and improvement). By advocating for ourselves... by loving ourselves... or at least start the process of learning to.

You are the most important person you will ever have a relationship with... make yourself the priority.

The love for oneself should be unconditional. It should hold no stipulations. No criteria to make yourself deserving of love. EVERYONE deserves and is worthy of love. You are no exception.