Hang On To Every Reason.....

And Never Let Go…

First and foremost, only you can choose to recover. It doesn’t matter how much others want you to or even beg you to, until you decided to do it for you, it just wont happen.

That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong in having ‘reasons to recover’ other than the obvious ones.

Some day’s I find it really helps to remind myself of these reasons and hang onto them with all my might.

Especially on day’s where I may be struggling somewhat or feeling a little overwhelmed.

Yesterday, for example, seeing my Nanna looking so frail yet still strong and full of love for me gave me the push I needed to eat my afternoon snack.

Later that same day, a simple text from my Mum helped to ease the slight panic I was feeling. It gave me a shove in the right direction (dinner) which in turn gave me the energy I needed to go out singing last night.

When I arrived for my group, there was a ‘Zumba’ class on. It looked like so much fun; exciting and uplifting; the women (and one guy) all looked radiant and full of health.

It reminded me how much I want to not only feel but exude that radiance too. 

All the more reason and motivation to keep pushing forward and getting stronger!

After a fab and invigorating evening of singing, I arrived home quite late. Even though my head was telling me it was far to late to eat a snack, I knew better.

I sat there with it, writing this piece in fact.

After finishing, I realised I was still hungry but was going to go to bed. Then I stopped. How could I possibly write a piece on reasons to recover when I am about to go to bed hungry?

 I am so glad I caught myself.

So you, where my reasons right then J

Whatever your reasons, whomever inspires you or those things that motivate you, Hang on to them and never let go.

And remember- you are doing this for you but the little things all count too.

With Much Love, Smiles & Support,

Hanna xx

Scales into Art

I'm backdating this one, because I didn't post it yesterday --- had the weirdest drive home from my parents. Truly. Involving flat tires and a small amount of damage considering I was cruising on Interstate 70. I wound up missing my therapy appointment, which I still feel badly about - I hate standing people up... and then sometime between calling my mother and the tow-truck getting there my cell phone died... but I am still just grateful - it could've been a lot lot worse and should have been

In case you haven't noticed, I'll be doing be taking over Ashley's Thursdays for awhile with guest posters here and there --- school is coming to a close for her meaning lots of changes. I wish her well and will welcome her back whenever she's ready =)

Anyhoo:

My friend Karen just posted pictures from the fashion show for ETR where we were raising funds for scholarships for eating disorder treatment.

In any event, Cathy from SLBMI brought the traveling scale exhibit with her that was inspired by a conversation we had about turning scales into art --- so she thought it was appropriate - especially since my scale was used in all the advertising.

Without further ado I bring to you "Scales are for Fish" (click images to enlarge)

I know most people think to bash scales. But I truly think they can be functional - as artwork... They provide a fairly nice background and I think there's something interesting about turning something that can elicit disdain into something that elicits a smile

One more, this one is one I made that I turned into a mosaic - my first mosaic ever... not the best Starry Night, but considering it was my first and I used dishware... I rather like it.

Who Am I Without My Eating Disorder?

Whether you’ve existed with your eating disorder for many, many years or just a few months, it can become your identity; it’s all you know. And maybe it’s also all others have known too. You and your eating disorder, your eating disorder and you. So, when you’ve made the decision to recover, the question that is often asked is ‘Who am I without my eating disorder?’…

I know it is something that often crosses my thoughts. And I’ve been giving it a considerable amount of thought of late. It can be very daunting and scary.


And of course, I don’t know the answer yet as to exactly how I will be once recovered but I do know that I am not my eating disorder. I am loving. I am caring. I am talented. I am giving. I am creative. I am loyal. I am strong. I am Hanna.

And as for how life will be? Well, anything is better than life as it has been. I cannot see into the future but I know it will be brighter. It will be happier. It will be healthier. There will be laughter, healing, fun and success- in every sense of the word. There will be love and there will be light.

Can you relate to this?

Ask yourself this; who do you want to be? You see, I believe when you are free from your eating disorder; you can be anyone you want to be! And that is exciting. Scary? Yes but invigorating too!

You don’t have to ‘be anything’ you don’t want to be. You are you and you are beautiful. You do not have to conform to any ones idea of who you were before your eating disorder or who they expect you will be. The beauty of any kind of healing is self-growth and discovery.

Many may ‘cling’ to their eating disorder through fear of finding the ‘real them’; don’t let that be you. Broaden your horizons, explore, enjoy, spread your wings and fly. Take each day as it comes and find time to get to know yourself again.

The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important one we shall ever form. Treasure it.

So who are we without our eating disorders? You are you and I am me and we are amazing; just as we are.

I leave you with a video that someone sent to me once. Beautiful song, powerfully written & inspiring. I’ve also included a couple of quotes by Dr Seuss , the American children’s writer cartoonist & all round fab guy :o)

With Much Love, Smiles & Support

Hanna x




Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you~ Dr Seuss

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind ~ Dr Seuss

Connection Is Key!....

Yay, I’m back again and this time I’m filling in for the foreseeable future on Tuesdays. I’m so happy. Being a part of this blog is such an honour.

So today I want to talk about staying connected and why this is key to recovery. Eating disorders are by far one of the most isolating illnesses out there. They keep you trapped inside their dangerous walls, afraid, unreachable, angry & untouchable…

I’ve been there. I didn’t want anyone knowing what was going on in my life, interfering and asking me questions. I also couldn’t face the world because I felt like it was against me. That I didn’t fit in, that others would judge me. But one of the most freeing realisations I had recently was “It’s not all about me”…. I also had to learn & accept that support is out there and I need and deserve it.

Since embarking on my own road to recovery, I have met many, many wonderful people and am now blessed to say I have an amazing support network. This is made up of those I have met online, a few select friends, my care team, my therapist & my family, especially my wonderful Mum who has been my rock. I am truly blessed..

The truth is, you cannot do this alone. You may try, but with your eating disorder as your only ally, you’re fighting a losing battle. Trust me, I tried. But, this doesn’t have to be the way. You & only you can change this.

Once you’ve made that courageous decision to recover however, it can be unbelievably difficult to first seek & then ask for support. Many relationships may have been lost or damaged but the ones that mattered before will always be there. It’s about finding those that you trust, feel comfortable & safe with & simply asking for their support. Trust me, it will be there. And if it’s not, find it…

The road to recovery is indeed a very bumpy one and there will be many, many times when you will need to reach out and ask for help. And there is no shame in doing so either. That’s another thing eating disorders tend to do- Make one feel ashamed or weak for needing help. Everyone in life at times needs help, no matter what age they are. It actually shows true strength to ask for it. Whether that be in person, via text, email whatever! Thanks to technology, there is never a need to be alone.

Keeping connected at all times is crucial. Whether it is because you are having a bad day, you’re struggling with a meal, your mind is racing or you simply just want to talk.

Sometimes it can feel as if your eating disorder is stronger than you and at times it can be. But, with support behind you, those who will help you back up if you fall, cry with you, laugh with you, fight with you, you can do it. You are not the exception. United you are stronger than ever before.

Reach out. Don’t be afraid. Free yourself from isolation.

Below are some links to some of the websites that are the backbone to my support system. I have been given some of the best help & advice throughout my journey & have met some truly amazing people. Without these connections along with others, I don’t think I’d be where I am today. *

At times staying connected can save your life. Hold out your hand, Speak up & be heard.

With Much Love, Smiles & Support,

Hanna x

* Please don’t forget that whilst online support is fantastic & beneficial, it cannot replace actual physical & medical support too. Build up a team….

http://www.webiteback.com

http://www.mentorconnect-ed.org/

http://lifebeyonded.ning.com/

http://www.b-eat.co.uk/Home

My Furry Support :o)

a few questions for you!

Okay, Ashley has a lot on her plate on this glorious Thursday, so you have me again - sorry ;)

Anyways, I'm rather glad, because I'm selfish and have a few questions for you.

Recently someone I know was told that they looked unwell... now that may sound like a typical thing, but they honestly had no idea why (to be honest, I wasn't sure why it was said either) - so I pose to you my first question:

What does HEALTH look like? What does it resemble?

I feel fairly confident that most people want to be in good health, but can you see that?

There are a lot of illnesses out there (eating disorders included) where people can not look "sick" but still be suffering inside - and their body ravaged... so again I ask... what does health look like?




My second question is posed for selfish reasons due to a project I have in the works that I've eluded to and people seem to have also fallen in love with it - a photographer has already been secured to help  --- a project inspired by Dr. Ashley Solomon over at Nourishing the Soul, specifically this post of her's

(please note that though I reference being inspired by her post, no affiliation is implied!)


Anyways:

I want to create a photography exhibit and try to see if I can get Mad Art Gallery to display it (they're still taking project proposals for 2011 and they favor new artists that haven't displayed there in the past 2 years) .

The exhibit would be called "I eat dessert daily: and other secrets of women that love their bodies"

There will be 4 main parts chronicling the women chosen --- they will be clustered by woman, except for the last part:

Part One:

B/W gritty images of each woman eating her favorite dessert



Part Two:

Each woman wearing a white dress in an urban background holding a sign saying, "I love my _____" with the _____ being a body part




Part Three:

A visual illustration of why they love their body (or that body part) - with a handwriting sample of the explanation superimposed onto the photograph --- this could be a photo of them bicycling... doing yoga... chasing their children... etc.



Part Four:

Each woman holding out a card with a secret on it towards the camera - the foreground (the secret) in focus, the background blurred out




So I post to you the last questions (I know, I said question... I lied!)
a) What part of your body do you most love?
b) thoughts of the project.


I think even if that Art Gallery did not accept the submission, I could find some other avenue to use the materials generated.