What You've Never Done

Image cred

There is usually something you think you can't do.

And it's because it doesn't fit into your rulebook, it's something you just don't do.

But I want you to ask yourself, "How can I ever become the person I want to become without doing the things it takes to get there?"

Because to get where you've never been, you have to do what you've never done.

So do something today that breaks your rules...

do something you think --you-- can't do. 

With utter faith in your ability to do so,

Ashley

Inspired by Serra -- my happy place.

when i was growing up my happy place was my closet. whenever we moved we usually moved into base housing (a couple of exceptions) which in the 80s and 90s all looked very cookie cutter. So every time we moved my closet was the same. a small rectangle with a wooden shelf at the top. Whenever I would feel unsafe or unsettled I would climb on a nearby desk, dresser, or chair and hoist myself up to that top shelf. sit there. curl up there. and wait it out.

in high school i would go to my walk-in closet when i got unsettled as well... if i was extremely afraid i would lock myself in my bathroom and pretend to take a bath. it made me feel untouchable.

now i am an adult. i live in 1200sf apartment with a roommate and for the first time in a long time i feel safe in my own home. in the process of creating this safe environment, i've also created something else... something Serra discussed her last post -- a happy place.

Without further ado, I bring to you my happy place... my bedroom (no surprise there probably)

 

That is my little wooden piggy bank that I love... I got him at an antique store - I went in to get a nightstand and walked out with a 3 tier stand/jewelry holder and him... The shadow box on the shelf above it (by my wedges) was made for me one Christmas by a friend of mine.

And this is my bed (and part of my nightstand)... it's pretty high up (31" from the top of my mattress to the floor)... and the bedding comes from my all time favorite store - Anthropologie -- the duvet is the Crowned Crane which has little wooden flowers in the middle of all those tucks and the pillowcases come from the love letter set (minus the green pillow case and the dust ruffle which I had to special order due to the insane drop).

Where there is now a pink folding chair will soon be a chaise lounge. I made the curtain... and I strung up twine on the wall and used clothespins to hang up various vintage photographs along with a postcard and two photographic prints. On the middle line I also have various letters and cards that people have written me. Ones that made me smile upon receiving. That drawing depicting the phrase, "love your tree" always makes me smile. Oh and I love wine bottles - too bad you can't see the penguin wine bottle :(

You can tell how high up my bed is in this picture though... What looks like very minimal space due to seeing my bed in the picture (this was taken from the corner of my bed) is actually about 10 feet of empty floor space

My favorite piece of artwork ever. LeilaniJoy is absolutely amazing. I love her interpretation of Swan Lake

This is my happy place, because it's mine and I feel like I created the space in a way. I picked it all out myself (minus a brown wardrobe that my landlady has in the room as a requirement since the room has no actual closet) and let it organically unfold... things were purchased over a duration of time... and my room resulted.

I think creating your own space can allow you to both nurture and to discover yourself. Surround yourself with things that make you happy or remind you of happy times. That make you feel comforted and help to create an environment that allows you to feel safe to be yourself.

Anyways, that's my happy place. Where is your happy place?

Oh and P.S. two things:
1) tomorrow I will be in Chicago for Generation Mirror's first annual spring fundraiser, so expect a REALLY late post! sorry!!

2) Project "Me Time" is going well. Obviously with the trip to Chicago and all.. and I managed to go to the Farmers' Market... and to fit in a date and a hummus making adventure with Chris --- still working on the canopy though...

A Challenge... of the "me first" variety

(photo credit to: amazon)

I think this week I learned a lesson on life that has been long in the making... a lesson that has left me solidified that time for myself (or myself in general) should be prioritized.

I have this perpetual fear of being viewed as lazy. So I try as hard as I can to be in constant motion. Literally from 7am (sometimes 8am) until about 1am - 2am I am doing something that is non-negotiable. I do try to squeeze an hour power nap in there, but most of my day is spent driving, at school, at work (on my feet), or doing work that resulted from one of the aforementioned things. I try to start my morning with a half hour walk, but lately that's not even been happening.

I should note that I am not doing it for financial reasons, it is purely out of this drive to be constantly going.  Bottom line? This is NOT healthy, especially since it means I work every day of the week.

I was planning on going into work earlier this week and telling them that I needed one day off each week, however, the same day I was set to do that, I spoke to my father on the 15 minute break we take during my Gender Across Culture class -- he told me that that's what it means to be an adult. Making sacrifices, sucking it up, and moving on. You're capable of doing it, so do it. I thought about it... and he was right that I am capable of doing it... I did it in high school (perhaps to a larger degree in fact), so I can do it now...

I didn't broach the topic at work.

But after I emailed my therapist to indefinitely cancel my appointments (I won't even have that nap-time option available to me come June 16th due to an additional three hours of class each day) it dawned on me that what my father told me could very well be wrong.

Being an adult does not mean making sacrifices and sucking it up, though it can involve those things... It does however mean taking care of yourself - be it by yourself or through knowing when to ask for help when you need it (and of course consequently asking for it). Just because you are capable of doing it, doesn't mean you should either. I was capable of doing a similar thing in high school, but should I have? Absolutely not. I wound up taking the living out of my life. That's not okay.

I'm not saying parents are wrong, I am however saying that parents, like anyone else, make mistakes. Like yourself,  they weren't given a manual of life. They don't know everything... they know what they think worked for them. There's the thing though. You are not your parent or guardian. You are, well, you're you.

Just as you are you. I am myself.. and I am my own expert. If my body is telling me something needs to give, I shouldn't allow my mind to be persuaded that I am wrong. That my body is wrong. My body knows what it needs and since it is my body and I am listening to it (truly listening to it) it can be ascertained that it is correct. And it is correct that I need a break... and no that does not mean I am lazy, it means I'm not a superhero.. that I am human. and that is okay.

As a challenge to myself, until I can straighten out this work situation,  I am going to try to incorporate "me" time into my weekly routine on the days I do have some spare time in the morning - those days where I don't have school in the morning, rather just work at night.

I am going to finally finish that green canopy I've been working on off and on. I'm going to take nice rambling walks. I'm going to relax and sit with myself.

I'm going to take a detour from my planned course and put myself first.


as a challenge to yourself, what can you do for yourself this week or each day? How can you make time for you?

(I credit the term "me first" to Kendra from Voice in Recovery)


---------

to continue my random self-discovery q/a :

A picture of my night:

 My Thursday night was spent at Anthropologie working. The above was our last window display -- it's a dress made of paper and dropcloth and of course thousands of clothespins that were individually placed/positioned on molded chicken wire -- the clothespin part has since migrated to the board you see behind the cash/wrap. They're in the process of taking the current one down (a wall made entirely of wine corks as part of the "Anthropologie Goes Green" theme), otherwise I would've put up a pic of that

My Happy Place

hi!

I didnt post last week, i was busy moving house. i was living in central Wellington city, the capital city of New Zealand. I have moved one hour north to the Kapiti Coast. I live right by the beach now

It is incredible how much environmental factors influence behaviour and thoughts. I remember when I got married up here, in February 2009 and we stayed at the beach for a week after, I thought to myself that if I lived up here I could be free, peaceful and rid of this disorder. I felt like I was recovered for that week I stayed up here, before going back home to the chaos. Now I live up here and am breathing the sea air and feeling the open space around me. I don't feel trapped and I don't feel like my past is around every corner waiting for me. Obviously moving here didn't magically cure my ED - that is a work in progress, but I do feel the freedom I was longing for all this time.

A few of the reasons I love being here

• the trees out the front are perfect for hanging chimes and sun catchers in
• at night time, when it is a really windy night, I can't always tell if it is the wind or the roaring ocean i can hear
• there are no high-rises here, the sky is so huge I can see blazing sunsets followed by starry nights and giant rising moons
• my view is of Kapiti island and when I see the sky changing colour I can walk down my street to the beach to catch it
• I can walk to therapy without it being considered excessive
• I have a room just for my fairies!
• there are parks with Pukekos all around me
• the soil is sandy and the grass is springy
• people have Norfolk pine trees on their properties and at Christmas time the streets are red with Pohutuhawa trees
• I have a back yard and a front yard with a big wide deck which is always warm and I can't wait to sunbathe on
• there are high fences that make me feel safe
• I can lay down and feel relaxed and peaceful and calm
• Kapiti island is always changing
• some of my oldest friends live around the corner, and I now live right between my two closest friends. So much closer to my sis.
• Stellar has carpet to roll about on and cupboards to hide in
• I can set up and leave out my sewing machine and learn to sew. I can paint and I have a workshop to smash things and make mosaic madness
• there is so much here to explore. I lived in wellington for 25 years, it is time for somewhere new and a quieter more peaceful life

I have loved the ocean and the beach for so long now. I love how huge and vast the ocean is. It puts life into perspective. It puts my problems and my worries and my anxiety into perspective. It is so calming and so ominous and ever changing. It humbles me and inspires me. This is my safe place, my peaceful place, my happy place.

Where is your happy place? Where do you feel safe or peaceful or loved?

xoxo Serra & Stellar

city sidewalks and self care

In my therapist's office there's this funny little basket. Full of random goodies including a candle that I thank my stars she never burns (it's lavender, which is a scent that I am not exactly friends with - except for one perfume that Anthropologie used to sell), a journal, a fluffy plushie penguin, and other random objects that make her happy.

Her basket is there as an example of a self care box. The point of the box being that when you're in a good mindset, you track down things that you love, calm, and center you and put them in a box for easily accessibility when things are a little bit murkier or you're fighting an urge. That instead of having to go through the steps when you're already in that mindset of thinking of things, all you have to think to do is go to get that box.

The boxes can have candles, lotion, bubble bath, coloring books, nail polish, word searches, logic puzzles, books, playing cards, movies, a game, canned pumpkin (baking helps to calm me), whatever works for you. Consequently making every person's slightly different.

Saturday was an odd one for me as was Sunday. So I opened up a folder on my computer (hello virtual Self Care Box)  entitled, "Things I Love," which is mainly composed of pictures I've taken, quotes I love, a few ebooks, etc. It made me want to go experience something I love a lot... my city. I live in the most dangerous city in the United States supposedly, but I feel safe and secure. So I went on a walk through some of the places I love with my Nikon D80.

What would you put in your self care box?