An overexposed picture of from a canola field on Sunday, showing the intense heat we soaked up:
All around me there is a shocking brilliance. It has been spectacularly bright and sunny for the past two days, which has shown me the world in a completely new way. The piercing yellow of the abundant canola fields, the absorbingly blue of the sky and the calming green trees have combined to produce a stunning contrast that you can’t help but smile at. I’m not sure why this is so, why I have so abruptly noticed it, but suddenly, I desperately want to be alive. It suddenly isn’t enough to just have life, I need to live.
I’m out of practice here. I know how to work too many hours, I know to avoid people, but I don’t remember how to go out and enjoy the company of others, be it sitting on a deck, walking in the park, or sitting in the local Ice Cream and Soda Shoppe. Quite simply, I don’t know how to live. Sure, I can survive, but I have recently discovered that this isn’t living. So I’m learning. With a barbeque at a friend’s house, visiting the park with my nieces or just sitting in the sun with a friend, I’m slowly learning what it is to be alive. It’s sometimes messy, sometimes painful, but in the end, rewarding.
This is turning out to be a wonderfully entertaining experience, learning to be alive. I’ve pushed against the boundaries that have so long held my life in place. Learning to let go of my tight structure is turning out to be the hardest thing, so I continue to do all my laundry compulsively on Sunday, even when the sun is calling me outside. But let me tell you, I look forward to the times I get to spend with friends or family, to explore nature and to enjoy summer.
Maybe it’s the increase in vitamin D that I’m getting (see here for the significance in that:), maybe it’s the company of others, maybe it’s the abundance of fresh produce that I have access to or maybe it’s just the pure enjoyment of living, but something is making me happier. I think I will continue to try this “life” thing. I can honestly say, I am seeing beauty in brilliance.