Showing posts with label anorexia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anorexia. Show all posts

Monday, January 30, 2012

Learning to Fly.

I learned how to fly.


I’m still not sure how I ended up in this situation, but at the end of last summer I found myself signed up for trapeze lessons at The Cincinnati Circus Company. Not too odd you say? I beg to differ.


While I don’t have a fear of heights I have an incredibly strong and irrational fear of ladders and anything involving getting from point A to B As I child I never made it up to the ropes courses or flew down a zip line. Even the idea of such an outing would make me worry incessantly and stay home from school or camp.

Nevertheless I have challenged this fear many times as an adult and been able to do things like climb up Half Dome at Yosemite or scale rock climbing walls. These somehow were lesser evils than ladders!

I knew all week that I was going to be making this outing to trapeze school, yet it wasn’t until I saw a ladder lying in the middle of this highway on Saturday, after it had fallen off a truck that I realized I wasn’t going to magically appear at the trapeze platform. There was going to be a ladder involved.

The whole way down to Cincinnati I felt the fear brewing in me. I was secretly hoping for an out. I didn’t want to face the evil metal rungs! We arrived a half-hour early to the rig. That was just enough time for me to stare at the ladder, two stories high and shaky and thin as can be. This was a disaster!

After hooking up our safety belts and a quick flying lesson we were ready to start our ascent to the platform. I was the fourth in our group to go. Kicking off my shoes I started upward. Sweat was pouring down my back, my arms and legs were wobbling. I couldn’t think of anything except reaching for the next rung and moving upwards. Short of falling, down wasn’t an option. I don’t know how long it took, but soon enough I was at the platform. The staff changed around my lines and it was time.


Ready….Hup (the signal to go)!

I jumped.

It was exhilarating, terrifying, surreal, and thrilling all at once. Alive. Nothing existed for those moments besides me and the air. Freedom. Beauty. Life.


This freedom and high is so foreign to the monotony and safety of everyday life. Time is spent looking to the past or to the future. Even the times when we think we are present we can often be found multitasking, either physically or mentally. Flying stops this. There is no opportunity to act in any capacity but in the now. There is a forced return to our instinct and our natural state of being free from that which keeps us tied to the ground.

Flying on a trapeze is an instantaneous explosion of this feeling of all encompassing joy, however similar highs can be found through yoga. It takes much longer and lots of practice, but at times I find myself in this same mindset. Nothing exists besides my breath and my body as I move through the postures. I become one and if I’m lucky this practice can last beyond the mat. Finding this experience can take time and patience, sometimes this patience can be as difficult as facing our fears, such as I did in climbing the ladder.

Life can be lived, day in and day out. The same routines, the same patterns. One can get by this way, however it is truly only getting by. Live your live. Step outside of your comfort zone. Take a risk.

“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”

-Elif Shafek

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I Lost Another Day Today....





I don’t know where it went. 
One minute it was 6am, the next it’s time for bed.


I’m trying to trace my footsteps, along the path my day may have gone. But nothing’s very clear right now;

 I’m not feeling particularly strong.


I know I saw some people; I may have spent some time.
 But ask what conversations were had, my mind goes blank, my thoughts blurred, my heart unsure.


If another were asked if they saw me, they may be quite confused too. I expect there answer would be “yes in body, but her sparkle, her spirit, her mind, just weren’t there"


 Nothing felt real, words quite untrue.


I wondered round in circles, not knowing my left from my right. 
One second I was treading ground, the next floating above it all, struggling to keep afloat.



I kept thinking I needed to do something, be somewhere, but couldn’t place exactly what or where. After what could have been minutes or hours, my brain seemed to simply not care.




You know it’s really quite scary, to loose a day like that.



 But to watch it happen and feel so powerless, can have an extreme and difficult impact. 




~




This was written after a day of falling back into the tight grip of anorexia. 
The effects are obvious, the feelings strong.


 It's not a day I want to repeat.


And it's not a day I have to either.


Today is a new day. 
You can always start anew. 
Sometimes you simply have to.


With Much Love, Smiles & Support, 



Hanna xx






Monday, December 26, 2011

Yoga Saved Me.

I first discovered yoga many years ago as an undergrad in college, but at the time it didn't stick.  It wasn't fast enough for me and the thought of looking inside my mind in any real way was utterly petrifying.

We again met up many years later when I was looking to try something new to find relief from the stress of teaching.  I had never tried Bikram yoga and thought I would give it a go.  What did I have to lose?  Even if I didn't like it I figured the calorie torching aspect of it would be a positive and ED loved that!

That was the start of what was to be a journey inside, at first a glimpse that something still wasn't right.  I was forced to face myself when I entered that hot little room and I didn't like what I saw.  At first it was just the exterior, but my rational mind knew that wasn't really it.

The truth was much deeper than that.

Within 3 months of starting a regular practice I turned a corner.  I left my job and entered a full-time day treatment program.  Yoga had offered me a safe way to start to look inside and begin to discover myself.

Without yoga I don't' know that I would have ever come to that point of really being ready to recover.  I would still be in the vicious cycle that had persisted for 14-years.

Yoga is now my life and my passion.  I no longer practice Bikram yoga and wouldn't recommend that style to those in recovery, but I practice and teach almost daily and am working towards becoming a yoga therapist to work with those with eating disorders.

Yoga offers a new way to see the world; a safe place to be Hannah and to be strong and healthy.  It fills the space of sickness and the tunnel vision of eating disorders.  I can see beyond myself and know that no matter what I am more than my body, than food, than any number.

Have you unrolled your mat yet?



Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Looking After You......



And not giving in to your thoughts.


So, it’s only 5 days to until Christmas, my, has this year flown by for me!

Am I excited?

Yes because I get to spend some quality time with my family.

But I’m also a little anxious too.

You see, for many years now, Christmas time has not been very easy for me. Many with an eating disorder can find the holiday period stressful. A lot of emphasis is put on food and there can also be a feeling of pressure to ‘conform’.

In the past, although I’ve enjoyed being with my family, inside I have often felt frustrated, alone and terrified. Watching those I love let go, eat good food and make merry whilst I tortured and denied myself, not just the food but the experience too.

And then of course there was last year. I spent my Christmas day and New Years Eve in a hospital. My Mum was alone and deeply afraid for her daughter, my Dad pretty much the same (although he at least had his wife with him)

No presents were exchanged, no laughter was had. All in all it was a pretty awful time for all of us.

I clearly remember sitting there, looking at the hospital Christmas tree and thinking;

“No Christmas of mine will ever be like this again”


But I’m not telling you all this to make you feel sorry for me. Nor am I wallowing in what was.

The fact is, this year I am not in hospital. And although not yet fully recovered, I am healthier and stronger.

This year I will be spending it with my family. Gifts will be passed around, there will be laughter and yes, I will be eating yummy food and enjoying the whole experience too!

I’ m not putting pressure on myself however, what will be will be.  It’s not about the food (must be included though!) or the presents, but the company and the fun.

The main thing is I will be there!

And I will look after myself too.


It really is only one day but it is a day I want to look back on and smile.


~


Whatever your plans are this Christmas; please look after yourself as well. Let go if you can and just allow yourself to enjoy being present and apart of the celebrations. Don’t put pressure on yourself to ‘keep up’ with everyone else, it’s not about that. Do what you know is the right thing for you. Don't give into your self destructive thoughts and let your eating disorder dominate your day. 

 Enjoy!


I’ll be thinking of you…



Wishing you an extremely Happy Christmas.

With Much Love, Smiles, & Support.

Hanna xx







PS: Here's a link to Beat: Coping At Christmas which provides some good support and pointers. There's also Something Fishy that's worth checking out too. 

Don't be alone! <3


Monday, December 19, 2011

Joining Recovering Inspirings!

Hi everyone! I am Hannah (with an H!) and am honored to be joining the crew here as a regular blog poster! I have struggled on and off with an eating disorder (Anorexia and over-exercise) since I was 14; about 16 years as I edge towards my 30th birthday.

I have been in recovery consistently now for 2 years since I left my job as a high school science teacher and began to explore the world anew. Through this time I have developed an intense passion for yoga and its healing powers and have been teaching yoga for about a year. I just finished my 200 hour training and am now working towards becoming a yoga therapist with Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy. I eventually want to open a practice working with those who also have struggled with eating disorders as well as other addictions.

I also blog at my own site, Balancing on Two Feet, where I started writing when I went into treatment in December of 2009 and "outed" myself about having an eating disorder. I was tired of the shame and secrecy of it all and wanted the world to know who I really was! Since that time I haven't looked back and the support for coming out about this has been amazing.

I'm excited to be a part of Recovering Inspirings and look forward to interacting with you all!

Namaste!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

A Letter to the Editor in response to "In Fighting Anorexia, Recovery Is Elusive"

The following is my response to the article In Fighting Anorexia, Recovery Is Elusive published by the NY Times which can be found here

I discovered an article online - entitled In Fighting Anorexia, Recovery Is Elusive on the NY Times website this morning. The contents, or rather overall tone of the article, were shocking to me. As the title implied the article had a defeatist attitude regarding those suffering from eating disorders and their journeys towards recovery. Ending on the note of one medical professional saying that she felt you would always keep your eating disorder with you.
My first thought was that this was irresponsible journalism as undoubtedly numerous sufferers of varying eating disorders would read this. What would the consequence of that be? As a sufferer of various eating disorders for many years I can tell you what that consequence would be for me if I was not in the place I am mentally at the moment or if I did not have any form of support. In fact, the article despite those aforementioned things did plant a small seedling of the following: if full recovery is not attainable then why continue treatment? Why strive for something being deemed elusive by professionals? Why set yourself up for failure?
This alone was not what prompted this letter. Something I found incredibly distressing was -- the credibility.
The article contained several quotes from various people including medical and mental health professionals, eating disorder activists, professors, and a past eating disorder survivor turned author. If all of these people are contributing to an article that diminishes hope in recovery then why should I have hope? These people know a great deal more. Wondering why they would do this, I decided to investigate further and the results were shocking.
Some journalists cultivate their ideas for stories from their findings, allowing them to form themselves. I do not believe that was the case with this article. In the course of the day I have managed to discuss the article with (or track down the thoughts of) three of the eight persons quoted as well as stumble upon a fourth's views which they posted online. NONE (zero) of those four liked the outcome of the article. I also managed to find the views of someone who was interviewed but whose comments did not make their way into the final article. They had passed along a message of hope within their interview. A few highlights of my discoveries:

Dr. Le Grange via an email correspondence, "I work  mostly with adolescents with AN and have a very optimistic outlook when it comes to recovery. In fact, our own work clearly demonstrates that the majority of adolescents fully recover. I am indeed sorry that the NYT writer put my words in a context that would reflect a more somber outlook for this disorder."

author and eating disorder survivor Aimee Liu, "Although it's not clear in the piece, I'm actually a true believer in FULL recovery...  am a little concerned, though, that readers will view this article as bad news for those in recovery.... Personally, I absolutely consider myself fully recovered." the rest of her musings can be found via Gurze (http://www.eatingdisordersblogs.com/life_after_recovery/2011/04/index.html)

Kathleen MacDonald, "I think it is very sad when people who are suffering share their story of NO HOPE...they are doing such an injustice to the field, to those who suffer, to those who know someone suffering, etc...and most of all, to themselves."

Johanna Kandel whom was interviewed but not included, "Although I am thrilled that they are profiling eating disorders, I am beyond disappointed and saddened with the overall tone of the article."

 Compare these highlights with the overall tone of the article. You would not think they were the same people as the views expressed in the article as a whole (including the title itself) in no way correlate with what I found. I was told by a few people that they expressly made it clear to the author the importance of hope and that full recovery IS indeed possible. By killing that hope or making the issue murky, it could possibly result in the death of some individuals with eating disorders expressly those that have not reached out for help, who are currently struggling, or people who might struggle in the future and stumble upon this article.

This article is a good example of creative liberty going too far. When the end product is a creative cut and paste project eliminating the essence of each of the interviews conducted what is left? Not the views of those interviewed or the truth, but rather the author's views - or what the author thinks will make a hot discussion piece. I can assure you one thing all of her credibility was lost in my mind and I truly think either a retraction, clarification, or second piece (perhaps written by those people whose viewpoints were skewed in this article?) should be printed.


 

I will also be sending a shorten (150 word) version. This is such poor journalism.

I do think it brings us back to the question that Serra posed before though... what does full recovery look like?

I think the lack of consensus fuels things like this... (not to say what the author of the article did was okay, because of that - her journalistic integrity still leaves much to be desired)

but I also think there will never be a consensus as it looks different for everyone (in my opinion)


also on a happier note:

make sure you go check out my giveaway post asking you why YOU are worth recovery (which I fully believe exists)! Click Here!



EDITED TO ADD:

I'm so glad to see discussion around the NYT article about anorexia recovery.
For the record, I didn't like the phrasing "a bout of anorexia." And I felt the article was way too negative.
Also, I'm pretty sure I didn't say recovery entailed having "absolutely normal" relationships with food. Because who does, in this culture?
--Harriet Brown

Monday, April 18, 2011

Flightless Bird, American Mouth..

Hello m'lovelies! It's Monday again, although I was missing in action last week, my apologies for that. Sometimes recovery, or the road to recovery, is such a bumpy process that you just need to take a step back, you know? I've seen alot of people recently who are struggling with the effects of semi-starvation. It's important to realise the differences between the eating disorder (as it is) and the effects both physically and mentally restriction is having on your body. This is something that I honestly still struggle to cope with believing, but it has served as a great reminder at times when it as really been needed. I first heard about this when a CPN gave me a full copy of this experiment, then I learned it on a recovery course. Knowing these facts have helped, even if it has been just abit, it has helped change my views on certain things. So, here is an in depth explaination of the Minnesota Experiment. I have taken this from medusa as wikipedia is a tad unreliable and from my knowledge, this is the most accurate description of the events. I'd like to give a pre-warning, this post does contain the calorie intake the men were put on, both in starvation mode and re-feeding. Please, if you are sensitive with numbers, take this warning, but it is an incredibly helpful experiment to read.

Probably the most systematic study of the effects of starvation was conducted over 30years ago by Ancel Keys and his colleagues at the University of Minnesota (Keys, Brozek, Henschel, Mickelsen & Taylor, 1950). The experiment, commonly referred to as the Minnesota Starvation Experiment/Study, involved restricting the caloric intake of 36 young, healthy, psychologically normal men who had volunteered for the study as an alternative to military service.

During the first three months of the experiment, the men ate normally, while their behavior, personality, and eating patterns were studied in detail. During the subsequent six months, the men were restricted to approximately half of their former food intake and lost, on average, 25% of their original body weight. This was followed by three months of rehabilitation, during which time the men were gradually re-fed.

Although their individual responses varied considerably, the men experienced dramatic physical, psychological, and social changes as a result of the starvation. In most cases, these changes persisted during the rehabilitation or re-nourishment phase.

An inevitable result of starvation was a dramatic increase in preoccupation with food. The men found concentration on their usual activities increasingly difficult, since they were plagued by persistent thoughts of food and eating. In fact, food became a principal topic of conversation, reading, and daydreams. Many of the men began reading cookbooks and collecting recipes. Starvation subjects became overwelmingly preocupied with food, some collected dozens of cookbooks, some developed a sudden interest in collecting coffee-pots, hot plates, and other kitchen utensils. This hoarding even extended to non-food-related items. Some of the men collected old books, unnecessary second-hand clothes, knick knacks, and other "junk." Often after making such purchases, which could be afforded only with sacrifice, the men would be puzzled as to why they had bought such, more or less, useless articles. (Keys et al., 1950, p. 837)

One man even began rummaging through garbage cans with the hope of finding something that he might need. This general tendency to hoard has been observed in starved anorexic patients (Crisp, Hsu, & Harding, 1980) and even in rats deprived of food (Fantino & Cabanac, 1980).

Despite little interest in culinary matters prior to the experiment, almost 40% of the men mentioned cooking as part of their post-experiment plans. For some, the fascination was so great that they actually changed occupations after the experiment: three became chefs, and one went into agriculture.

During starvation, the volunteers' eating habits underwent remarkable changes. The men spent much of the day planning how they would eat their allotment of food. Much of their behavior served the purpose of prolonging the ingestion and hedonic appeal or saliency of food. The men often ate in silence and devoted total attention to consumption.

The Minnesota subjects were often caught between conflicting desires to gulp their food down ravenously and consume it slowly so that the taste and odour of each morsel would be fully appreciated. Toward the end of starvation, some of the men would dawdle for almost two hours over a meal which previously they would have consumed in a matter of minutes. (Keys et al.,1950, p. 833)

The men demanded that their food be served hot, and they made unusual concoctions by mixing foods together. There was a tremendous increase in the use of salt and spices. The consumption of coffee and tea increased so dramatically that the men had to be limited to 9 cups per day; similarly, gum chewing became excessive and had to be limited after it was discovered that one man was chewing as many as 40 packages a day.

During the 12-week rehabilitation phase, most of these attitudes and behaviors persisted. For a small number of men, these became even more marked during the first six weeks of refeeding.

In many cases the men were not content to eat "normal" menus but persevered in their habits of making fantastic concoctions and combinations. The free choice of ingredients, moreover, stimulated "creative" and "experimental" playing with food, licking of plates, and neglect of table manners persisted. (Keys et al., 1950, p. 843)

Bulimia


During the starvation regimen, all of the volunteers reported increased hunger; some appeared able to tolerate the experience fairly well, but for others it created intense concern, or even became intolerable. Several men failed to adhere to their diets and reported episodes of bulimia followed by self-reproach. While working in a grocery store, one subject suffered a complete loss of willpower and ate several cookies, a sack of popcorn, and two overripe bananas before he could "regain control" of himself. He immediately suffered a severe emotional upset, with nausea, and upon returning to the laboratory he vomited. He was self-deprecatory, expressing disgust and self-criticism. (Keys et al., 1950,p. 887)

During the eighth week of starvation, another subject "flagrantly broke the dietary rules, eating several sundaes and malted milks; he even stole some penny candies. He promptly confessed the whole episode, [and] became self-deprecatory" (Keys et al.,1950, p. 884).

When presented with greater amounts of food during rehabilitation, many of the men lost control of their appetites and "ate more or less continuously" (Keys et al., 1950, p. 843). Even after 12 weeks of rehabilitation, the men frequently complained that they experienced an increase in hunger immediately following a large meal.

[One of the volunteers] ate immense meals (a daily estimate of 5,000 to 6,000 calories) and yet started snacking" an hour after he finished a meal. [Another] ate as much as he could hold during the three regular meals and ate snacks in the morning, afternoon and evening. (Keys et al., 1950, p. 846)

This gluttony resulted in a high incidence of headaches, gastrointestinal distress and unusual sleepiness. Several men had spells of nausea and vomiting. One man required aspiration and hospitalization for several days. (Keys et at., 1950, p. 843)

There were weekend "splurges" in which intake commonly ranged between 8,000 and 10,000 calories. The men frequently found it difficult to stop eating.

"Subject No. 20 stuffs himself until he is bursting at the seams, to the point of being nearly sick and still feels hungry; No. 120 reported that he had to discipline himself to keep from eating so much as to become ill; No. 1 ate until he was uncomfortably full; and subject no. 30 had so little control over the mechanics of "piling it in" that he simply had to stay away from food because he could not find a point of satiation even when he was "full to the gills." . . . Subject no. 26 would just as soon have eaten six meals instead of three." (Keys et al., 1950, p. 847)

After about five months of rehabilitation, the majority of the men reported some normalization of their eating patterns; however, for some the extreme overconsumption persisted: "No. 108 would eat and eat until he could hardly swallow any more, and then he felt like eating half an hour later" (Keys et al., 1950, p. 847).

More than 8 months after renourishment, a few men were still eating abnormal amounts, and one man still reported consuming "about 25 per cent more than his pre-starvation amount; once he started to reduce but got so hungry he could not stand it" (Keys et al., 1950, p. 847).

Factors that distinguished men who rapidly normalized their eating from those who continued to eat prodigious amounts were not identified. However, the important point here is that there were tremendous differences among volunteers in their responses to the starvation experience, and that a subset of these men developed bulimia, which persisted many months after they were permitted free access to food.

Emotional Changes


The strict procedures used to select subjects for the experiment led the experimenters to conclude that the "psychobiological 'stamina' of the subjects was unquestionably superior to that likely to be found in any random or more generally representative sample of the population" (Keys et al., 1950, p. 916). Although the subjects were psychologically healthy prior to the experiment, most experienced significant emotional changes as a result of semi-starvation. Some reported transitory and others protracted periods of depression, with an overall lowering of the threshold for depression. Occasionally elation was observed, but this was inevitably followed by "low periods." Although the men had quite tolerant dispositions prior to starvation, tolerance was replaced by irritability and frequent outbursts of anger. For most subjects, anxiety became more evident.

As the experiment progressed, many of the formerly even-tempered men began biting their nails or smoking because they felt nervous. Apathy became common, and some men who had been quite fastidious neglected various aspects of personal hygiene. Most of the subjects experienced periods during which their emotional distress was quite severe, and all exhibited the symptoms of "semi-starvation neurosis" described above.

Almost 20% of the group experienced extreme emotional deterioration that markedly interfered with their functioning. Standardized personality testing with the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI) revealed that semi-starvation resulted in significant increases in depression, hysteria, and hypochondriasis for the group. This profile has been referred to as the "neurotic triad" and is observed among different groups of neurotically disturbed individuals (Greene, 1980). These emotional aberrations did not vanish immediately during rehabilitation, but persisted for several weeks, with some men actually becoming more depressed, irritable, argumentative, and negativistic than they had been during semi-starvation.

During semi-starvation two subjects developed disturbances of "psychotic" proportions. One of these was unable to adhere to the diet and developed alarming symptoms:

"[He exhibited] a compulsive attraction to [garbage] and a strong, almost compelling, desire to root in garbage cans [for food to eat]. He repeatedly went through the cycle of eating tremendous quantities of food, becoming sick, and then starting all over again [and) became emotionally disturbed enough to seek admission voluntarily to the psychiatric ward of the University Hospitals." (Keys et al., 1950, p. 890)

After nine weeks of starvation, another subject exhibited signs of disturbance:

"[He went on a] spree of shoplifting, stealing trinkets that had little or no intrinsic value. He developed a violent emotional outburst with flight of ideas, weeping, talk of suicide and threats of violence. Because of the alarming nature of his symptoms, he was released from the experiment and admitted to the psychiatric ward of the University Hospitals." (Keys et al., 1950, p. 885)

Another man chopped off three fingers of one hand in response to stress.

For a few volunteers, mood swings were extreme:

"[One subject] experienced a number of periods in which his spirits were definitely high. These elated periods alternated with times in which he suffered "a deep dark depression." [He] felt that he had reached the end of his rope [and] expressed the fear that he was going crazy [and] losing his inhibitions." (Keys et al., 1950, p. 903)

Personality testing (with the MMPI) of a small minority of subjects confirmed the clinical impression of incredible deterioration as a result of semi-starvation. "...one man's personality profile [was] initially...well within normal limits, but after 10 weeks of semi-starvation and a weight loss of only about 4.5 kg (10 lb, or approximately 7% of his original body weight), gross personality disturbances were evident." On the second testing, all of the MMPI scales were elevated, with severe personality disturbance on the scales for neurosis as well as those for psychosis. Depression and general disorganization were particularly striking consequences of starvation for several of the men who became the most emotionally disturbed.

It may be concluded from clinical observation as well as standardized personality testing that the individual emotional response to semi-starvation conditions varies considerably. Some of the volunteers in Keys et al.'s experiment seemed to cope relatively well, and others displayed extraordinary disturbance following weight loss. The type of disturbance was quite similar to that described in obese individuals exposed to "therapeutic" semi-starvation (Glucksmaii & Hirsch, 1969; Rowland, 1970).

In the Minnesota experiment, pre-starvation personality adjustment did not predict the emotional response to caloric restriction. Some of the men who appeared to be the most stable reacted with severe disturbance. The fact that people respond so differently and unpredictably to weight loss is clearly relevant to an assessment of those who have dieted below their optimal weight.

Since the emotional difficulties in the Minnesota volunteers did not immediately reverse themselves during rehabilitation, it may be assumed that the abnormalities were related more to body weight than to short-term caloric intake. It may be concluded that many of the psychological disturbances found in anorexia nervosa and bulimia may be the result of the semistarvation process.

Social and Sexual Changes


The extraordinary impact of semi-starvation is reflected in the social changes experienced by most of the volunteers. Although originally quite gregarious, the men became progressively more withdrawn and isolated. Humour and the sense of comradeship diminished markedly amidst growing feelings of social inadequacy:

Social initiative especially, and sociability in general, underwent a remarkable change. The men became reluctant to plan activities, to make decisions, and to participate in group activities. They spent more and more time alone. It became "too much trouble" or "too tiring" to have contact with other people. (Keys et al., 1950, pp. 836-837)

The volunteers' social contacts with women also declined sharply during semi-starvation. Those who continued to see women socially found that the relationships became strained. These changes are illustrated in the description from one man's diary:

"I am one of about three or four who still go out with girls. I fell in love with a girl during the control period but I see her only occasionally now. It's almost too much trouble to see her even when she visits me in the lab. It requires effort to hold her hand. Entertainment must be tame. If we see a show, the most interesting part of it is contained in scenes where people are eating." (Keys et al., 1950, p. 853)

Sexual interests were likewise drastically reduced. Masturbation, sexual fantasies, and sexual impulses either ceased or became much less common. One subject graphically stated that he had "no more sexual feeling than a sick oyster." (Even this peculiar metaphor made reference to food.) The investigators observed that "many of the men welcomed the freedom from sexual tensions and frustrations normally present in young adult men" (Keys et al., 1950, p. 840).

The fact that starvation perceptibly altered sexual urges and associated conflicts is of particular interest, since it has been hypothesized that this process is the driving force behind the dieting of many anorexia nervosa patients. According to Crisp (1980), anorexia nervosa is an adaptive disorder in the sense that it curtails sexual concerns for which the adolescent feels unprepared.

During rehabilitation, sexual interest was slow to return. Even after three months, the men judged themselves to be far from normal in this area. However, after eight months of re-nourishment, virtually all of the men had recovered their interest in sex.

Cognitive Changes


The volunteers reported impaired concentration, alertness, comprehension, and judgment during semi-starvation; however, formal intellectual testing revealed no signs of diminished intellectual abilities.

Physical Changes


As the six months of semi-starvation progressed, the volunteers exhibited many physical changes, including the following: gastrointestinal discomfort, decreased need for sleep, dizziness, headaches, hypersensitivity to noise and light, reduced strength, poor motor control, edema (an excess of fluid causing swelling), hair loss, decreased tolerance for cold temperatures (cold hands and feet), visual disturbances (i.e. inability to focus, eye aches, "spots" in the visual fields), auditory disturbances (i.e. ringing noise in the ears), and paresthesia (i.e. abnormal tingling or prickling sensations, especially in the hands or feet).

Various changes reflected an overall slowing of the body's physiological processes. There were decreases in body temperature, heart rate, and respiration, as well as in basal metabolic rate (BMR). BMR is the amount of energy (calories) that the body requires at rest (i.e. no physical activity) in order to carry out normal physiological processes. It accounts for about two-thirds of the body's total energy needs, with the remainder being used during physical activity. At the end of semi-starvation, the men's BMRs had dropped by about 40% from normal. This drop, as well as other physical changes, reflects the body's extraordinary ability to adapt to low caloric intake by reducing its need for energy. One volunteer described that it was as if his "body flame [were] burning as low as possible to conserve precious fuel and still maintain life process" (Keys et al., 1950, p. 852).

During rehabilitation, metabolism again speeded up, with those consuming the greatest number of calories experiencing the largest rise in BMR. The group of volunteers who received a relatively small increment in calories during rehabilitation (400 calories more than during semi-starvation) had no rise in BMR for the first three weeks. Consuming larger amounts of food caused a sharp increase in the energy burned through metabolic processes.

The changes in body fat and muscle in relation to overall body weight during semi-starvation and rehabilitation are of considerable interest. While weight declined about 25%, the percentage of body fat fell almost 70%, and muscle decreased about 40%. Upon re-feeding, a greater proportion of the "new weight" was fat; in the eighth month of rehabilitation, the volunteers were at about 100% of their original body weight, but had approximately 140% of their original body fat! How did the men feel about their weight gain during rehabilitation?

Those subjects who gained the most weight became concerned about their increased sluggishness, general flabbiness, and the tendency of fat to accumulate in the abdomen and buttocks. (Keys et al., 1950, p. 828)

These complaints are similar to those of many bulimic and anorexic patients as they gain weight. Besides their typical fear of weight gain, they often report "feeling fat" and are worried about acquiring distended stomachs. However, the body weight and relative body fat of the Minnesota volunteers had begun to approach the pre-experiment levels after just over a year.

Physical Activity

In general, the men responded to semi-starvation with reduced physical activity. They became tired, weak, listless, and apathetic, and complained of lack of energy. Voluntary movements became noticeably slower. However, according to the original report,

"...some men exercised deliberately at times. Some of them attempted to lose weight by driving themselves through periods of excessive expenditure of energy in order either to obtain increased bread rations or to avoid reduction in rations." (Keys et al., 1950, p. 828)

This is similar to the practice of some anorexic and bulimic patients, who feel that if they exercise strenuously, they can allow themselves a bit more to eat. The difference is that for the patients the caloric limitations are self-imposed.

Significance of the Starvation Study


As is readily apparent from the preceding description of the Minnesota experiment, many of the symptoms that might have been thought to be specific to anorexia nervosa or bulimia are actually the result of starvation. These are not limited to food and weight, but extend to virtually all areas of psychological and social functioning.

Since many of the symptoms that have been postulated to cause these disorders may actually result from under-nutrition, it is absolutely essential that weight be returned to "normal" levels in order that emotional disturbances may be accurately assessed.

The profound effects of starvation also illustrate the tremendous adaptive capacity of the human body and the intense biological pressure on the organism to maintain a relatively consistent body weight. This makes complete evolutionary sense. Over the hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution, a major threat to the survival of the organism was starvation. If weight had not been carefully modulated and controlled internally, animals most certainly would simply have died when food was scarce, or when their interest was captured by countless other aspects of living. The starvation study illustrates how the human being becomes more oriented toward food when starved and how other pursuits important to the survival of the species (e.g. social and sexual functioning) become subordinate to the primary drive toward food.

One of the most notable implications of the starvation experiment is that it provides compelling evidence against the popular notion that body weight is easily altered if one simply exercises a bit of "will power." It also demonstrates that the body is not simply "reprogrammed" to adjust to a lower weight once it has been achieved. The volunteers' experimental diet was unsuccessful in overriding their bodies' strong propensity to defend a particular weight level. One might argue that this is fine as long as a person is not obese to start with; as we point out later, however, these same principles seem to apply just as much to those who are naturally heavy as to those who have always been lean.

It should be emphasized that following the months of rehabilitation, the Minnesota volunteers did not skyrocket into obesity. On the average, they gained back their original weight plus about 10%; then, over the next 6 months, their weight gradually declined. By the end of the follow-up period, they were approaching their pre-experiment weight levels.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Every Moment Counts...

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Today..is Monday! This morning after my weekly doctors appointment, i went with my mother to feed the ducks down at the Bishops Palace. It was freezing but the sun was shining.. oh so stunning. It's the little things in life we really take for granted sometimes...the beautiful flowers, singing birds in the morning, ducks gliding across the clear spring water on a gorgeous day, love. We take love for granted. I was pondering the other day, thinking if love were enough, would we still have addictions? If love were enough, would people still smoke, drink excessivly, strive to be slim regardless of the impact on those around them? Love should be enough, but just because recovery is difficult...even feeling impossible just to begin..it dosn't mean people don't love. Does that make sense?

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It is one of the biggest misconceptions that people with eating disorders (especially anorexia) flat out don't eat. People seem to imagine the suffers living off nothing but bottles of water and salad, it's a common misconception that deeply upsets me. It can also make a person feel "Hang on...i do eat, therefore i must be fine". This is far from the truth. My weight is currently maintaining and yes, i'm happy about this. I'm eating abit more, but i'm still unwell. So..here was my amazing brunch (i was late after my appointment). Porridge covered in Blueberries! It was absaloutly..devine.

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A girls best friend is her cat, is this true? This is Pippy, she hates me. The only person she gets on with in this house is my mother..and oh my is she over protective! When she wants to be, she is cute. I sat on the sofa with my porridge and hot water bottle when Pippy came storming into the lounge, playful as ever. I wouldn't dare touch her, so i throw over her catnip mouse. Isn't she so cute?

This post has been pretty random, i'm aware. The problems we face everyday shouldn't be the basis of our life. I do want to tell you this;
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