I don’t know where it went.
One minute it was 6am, the next it’s time for bed.
I’m trying to trace my footsteps, along the path my day may have gone. But nothing’s very clear right now;
I’m not feeling particularly strong.
I know I saw some people; I may have spent some time.
But ask what conversations were had, my mind goes blank, my thoughts blurred, my heart unsure.
If another were asked if they saw me, they may be quite confused too. I expect there answer would be “yes in body, but her sparkle, her spirit, her mind, just weren’t there"
Nothing felt real, words quite untrue.
I wondered round in circles, not knowing my left from my right.
One second I was treading ground, the next floating above it all, struggling to keep afloat.
I kept thinking I needed to do something, be somewhere, but couldn’t place exactly what or where. After what could have been minutes or hours, my brain seemed to simply not care.
You know it’s really quite scary, to loose a day like that.
But to watch it happen and feel so powerless, can have an extreme and difficult impact.
This was written after a day of falling back into the tight grip of anorexia.
The effects are obvious, the feelings strong.
It's not a day I want to repeat.
And it's not a day I have to either.
Today is a new day.
You can always start anew.
Sometimes you simply have to.
With Much Love, Smiles & Support,