I wrote up todays blog post last night and was going through it this morning when I realised I actually had something else I wanted to talk about and the title say’s it all. The reason for changing my post came when I’d eaten breakfast and was still hungry but felt unable to have anything more.
I have spent many years hiding away and denying myself life. Not only by depriving myself the food to fuel my life but by being so hard on myself that I’ve been simply unable to enjoy life.
So my question is- when is enough enough? What does it take to finally break free from the vicious cycle your eating disorder entraps you in and start embracing life?
Is it when you are still hungry after breakfast? Is it when you look at your beautiful Mother and see just how tired and worried she is? Is it when you hear the devastating news that someone you knew lost their battle to their eating disorder? Is it when you have a cardiologist appointment because your latest ECG results showed abnormalities?
Whatever it is for you, when it comes grab it and hold onto it.
Next comes the difficult task of actually doing it though. It’s all very well to talk the talk but you need to be walking the walk too. I am guilty of not. I have said many time’s ‘I will do this then’ ‘when x happens, I’ll do y’ but sometimes the fear of change grips you so tightly that you can often feel stuck. Stuck and just going round and round in circles. But after a while you will get dizzy and you will get sick.
The fact is you can keep doing what you’re doing. You can choose not to challenge yourself and ‘play it safe’… But I ask you, why would you do that if what you’ve been doing has been making you miserable, ill and exhausted?
Start small if you need. Every step counts. If you have always stuck to the same food for breakfast, challenge yourself and have something new. Or if you’ve been too afraid to start seeing a therapist, make the phone call you need to start the process.
The more times you challenge your fears, the more steps you take, the easier it will get. And it also feels good! Last week I took myself off to a café and ate lunch alone. Was it scary? Yes… Did I manage it? Yes! How did it feel? Amazing! Will I do it again? You bet! And the food was yummy too :o)
There has to come a point when you step up to your eating disorder, stare it straight in ‘the eye’ and yell at the top of your lungs “I CHOOSE LIFE!” It is your life, it is your future, and it’s time to take it back. As I said in one of my first posts ‘There is so much more to life than this”…..
Recovery isn’t easy. It isn’t comfortable. It is painful. It can be a lengthy process, but it is worth it. This I promise you.
So, step up today, challenge yourself and fight back. Break the cycle- Choose Life!
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got" ~Henry Ford
With Much Love, Smile & Support,