Moods

The sun came out Sunday after more than a week of thunderstorms alternating with drizzling rain, mixed in with tornado warnings. To say that everyone was excited is an understatement. It’s amazing how quickly I noticed my mood changing as I felt the warm afternoon sun while I sat on my living room floor (though the sun is out, it’s still a little cold for sitting outside). And it made me think about other things that have an impact on my mood, either positive or negative.

There’s the ever-present mood dictator, my morning weigh-in. This is perhaps the last of the eating disordered things that I will give up, yet I know I must. In fact, I’m so aware of the scale’s ability to poach my mood and attitude, that on days I’m “feeling” bloated, I won’t get on it. Progress, right? Of course, there is also how my clothes fit, which can be equally effective at souring my mood. Or any other measure that is used to detect how far my body is encroaching the space around it. I think it’s fair to say that I am aware that these measures are overwhelmingly negative, and one day I will give them up.

As already mentioned, there is the weather. Rain, sun, snow or just overcast, it has the ability to set my mood for the day (or at the very least, the morning). Waking up to sunshine is glorious, I love seeing it seep through the blinds first thing in the morning. Conversely, it can be overwhelmingly depressing to get through a long winter, with the sun still asleep in the morning and late afternoon/evening. Rain and wind are my nemesis. I truly, truly loathe them. Seeing trees bending over or hearing rain pelting my window sets such a solemn day in place. And snow. I detest the cold that it comes with, and by the end of the winter you will not hear me say this, but snow is beautiful. Especially when you wake up to a fresh snowfall (and even more so when the snow has stopped and the sun wakes up). And I LOVE thunderstorms, provided I don’t have to go out in them. If I can sit on my couch and watch the lightning, watch the water reservoir fill up, I’m a happy girl. Yes, the weather can have wide ranging effects on my mood.

Then there’s work, or perhaps more aptly put, my employees. They are, as a whole, excellent at what they do and great people. But they, of course, have their own quirks dictating their moods, and like it or not, their mood can influence mine. Actually, I don’t like it. I don’t like that others have that ability to influence me, but I’ve started to accept it as part of living with others. If they come in with a bad mood, mine can quickly sour. But if they come in with a good mood, it can help lift mine. And actually, typing this has made me realise that perhaps we would all benefit if I could find some ways to build “team spirit” when everyone gets to work. Something to think about.

There are, of course, many other things that impact my mood on a daily basis, but these are the major ones. These ones are what stand out to me as overwhelmingly powerful, both good and bad. A few years ago, I wouldn’t be able to admit that anything affects my mood other than myself, I hated not being in complete control, or ever others thinking I wasn’t in complete control. This is just one more step that I am making in my recovery, in living my life in its full.