Saturday, April 9, 2011

A Self-Love Letter

So today's post is going to be a little bit different, instead of a guest poster like Saturday usually is... I'm going to post, though I normally stick to Wednesdays..

Inspired by Voice in Recovery's April Self Love Letter Challenge --- April is the perfect month for me to be doing this so I hope you enjoy and feel inspired to join Kendra's strive to stop self-hate and write your own

Also, a little bit or housekeeping so to say, I mean to always say this, but I'm pretty much one for however many post... if you would like to guest post (or would be willing to) email us collectively at

------------------------ Back to the Scheduled Programming -------------------------

Dear Self,

So it's April. As anyone that knows you knows, you have a genuine disdain for this month and declare it to be not your month.

In April 2006, you experienced your first burial of a friend when a car accident took her life at the age of 16 -- a couple of weeks before her first prom. You saw her beautiful prom dress on display at the viewing and the urn that held the ashes since her car had burst into flames upon impact. You experienced insensitivity from unlikely places and felt horrible, because you - a month prior - had been in a near identical car accident, but had survived.

In April 2006, you also heard a phrase uttered about you from someone you loved and respected that has haunted you for years.

In April 2007, your belief in the goodness of people was tested when an event happened that sent pain searing through your body leaving you feeling too emotionally numb to cry out.

In April 2008, you wound up in the hospital when the pain of the memory of the past year became too much.

In April 2009, you encountered the joys of the justice system in the south and how sometimes what people - even those in law enforcement - perceive to be reality can, in their minds, become their reality. You watched a guilty man get away.

In April 2010,  you witnessed a bit of joy in the month --- your sister getting married to an unbelievably great guy.  It was this event that left you thinking that April could be different.

April can be different. Yes, horrible events can happen to you (and they will), but it's what you choose to do with them. Look at those events and look at where you are at present. You may say it took a lot of time to travel from point A to point B --- I know your skepticism well, but even look back at the past year.

You've decided an eating disorder was not a valuable thing to keep carrying with you. That it should not be what you take with you in the event of a fire, so to say. You've begun to realize that you are enough. That you are worthy. That when you say that everyone's beautiful and everyone's worthy of love that YOU should be included in that. You've moved cities, drastically changed jobs (from "Sir, SrA _____ reports as ordered" to "Don't get upset hon, it's the cut of the dress, not you. Let me go find another one in a similar style and I'll be right back"), started college (again... but this time doing something that interests you), and are doing well.

You let your apartment get a bit messy at times, but you should even be proud of yourself for that, for being able to allow yourself that breathing room.

You're stronger than you give yourself credit for and have a kinder heart than the "I'm an asshole" mantra you tell your therapist (only semi-jokingly) would imply that you do. Please stop doing that by the way.

You're starting to open up and be willing to let people in, heck you've even managed to keep a therapist for a year (bet you never thought you'd do that, did you!) - and have started to talk about things that are hard. that you said you could never discuss. Here's the thing though, you ARE discussing them. That says a lot about you.

This time last year you would exercise no matter how your body was feeling physically and no matter what it looked like outside -- your mindfulness and connection with your body is improving greatly. You know when enough is enough and you even allow yourself to walk... in public. Which you know what? is a normal thing to do. There's no shame in walking. Telling yourself otherwise is a silly thing to do. You're making good strides by realizing that.

In addition to all of these things you're starting up an organization that you truly care about, one that will hopefully give people a little bit more time to heal in treatment. As part of that, you organized, near single-handedly, an event while working and going to school full-time. An event that went over quite well. You're starting to persist in love. Which is a beautiful thing.

That list of April events earlier? Those say a lot about you too. No, the events themselves do not define you... but the fact that you're still here. That you're even stronger than you were when those things happened... that says a lot about you as a person. So let's take April back. Let's take this month, especially this month, and make it your month. Starting with this love letter. May it rain showers of self-love this April.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much Kat for taking part in this challenge!!!! It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL to read your post!!!! I love how you can reflect on the past and move forward with love. Self love is an important daily investment in our spirit. Thank you for being a voice and sharing your words!


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