So my last post asked is full recovery possible, and what does it look like? It sparked some interesting conversations and some great replies and I thank you, you got me thinking... I believe it is a rather normal thing for us to have hang ups about our bodies and so maybe there will always be things I wish I could change but that doesn't mean I can't recover. It is pretty normal for people without eating disorders to sometimes miss a meal when they are unwell or frantically busy and so I know I wont always eat every meal, and in fact my obsession with eating perfectly is just another outlet for my black and white behaviour, disguised as recovery. The important things to remember are that if I feel something negative about my body, not to let that fuel my eating disorder, and not to make up a reason to miss a meal and pretend that there really was a valid excuse. The difference is whether these things are eating disordered behaviour or just normal reality.
An important part of recovering for me is noticing the small things, and embracing them. Taking the time to look around instead of rushing about fussing over what actually does not matter. This is why I take a photo a day. Every day I make sure I look around and notice the true beauty of where I am. I live in such a stunning country and it feels almost ungrateful and self centered to not look up and take it all in. When I go out for a walk, I admire my surroundings, the hills, the ocean, the sky, heck even the roads and buildings and people. At the end of the day I feel so much more peaceful having noticed the beautiful and small things around me instead of counting my steps and adding up calories burnt.
Recently I decided to cut my hair off, dye it blonde instead of red, dye my fringe purple, become obsessed with new colours of nail polish and eye shadow and shopping for boots. I may want to change my appearance and this way I can do it for fun and without damaging my health. People can look and comment and smile, instead of shaking their heads with concern. I dont harm myself any more, I just add more jewellery and maybe some glitter.
This post was rather random and without a topic but truth be told Friday snuck up on me and I was unprepared. I asked my husband what I should write about, and he said "write about Stellar", and so I would like to introduce my big fluffy ball I call Stellar. Stellar turned 2 recently, she is a Siberean pedigree and like all cats she loves boxes, however unlike most cats she also loves water. Yep, Stellar gets in the bath or the shower or the kitchen sink when the taps are running. Stellar gets involved when I am watering my plants and howls at the door if she is locked out of the bathroom. Funny kitty.