Hey there again!
It's Nat, back again for another guest post :)
Before I start i want to share this song with you. By an amazing woman (Sara Ramirez) from the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy. It kinda inspired this post, and is also one of my current faves.
It's called The Story, and is originally by Brandi Carlile
This verse is one that just stuck in my head on my drive home from work the other day
'You see the smile that's on my mouth, it's hiding the words that don't come out
All of my friends who think that I'm blessed, they don't know my head is a mess'
And it got me thinking. About putting on a brave face, and how little those around me know about how I am actually doing.
See I've always been the 'strong' one in my family, and so feel I need to keep putting on this strong face, but recently I am beginning to question how I define strong.
For years it was based on my ability to not cry in public, or even in private. To not show my emotions, to struggle through and do things by myself, to never ask for help or have to rely on people around.
This is probably due to a fear of being let down, but I took it that extra mile, and because I never asked for help, in the end no one ever thought that I needed it.
They, too, thought that I was strong
And of course the strength issue tied in very neatly into my ED. Strength was not eating. It was exercising. It was being better than those who had to succumb to what their body was asking them to do, such as eat enough, sleep enough, rest enough.
How wrong was I.....
This is now how I view strength
-the ability to ask for and accept help from those around you
-the ability to acknowledge that sometimes you can't do it all by yourself, and that's OK
-the ability to talk about your feelings, and feel them too. Sorrow, pain, anguish, joy, love, happiness
-to be able to get through adversities, and come out the other side
- to have the courage to be yourself, in a world that seems to be trying it's best to make you into everybody else
I am strong. And I will get stronger. The strength it takes to even accept you have a problem and then contemplate getting help is extraordinary
And then to go and get and ask and receive help?
There are very few words to describe those people.
Here are 2-
You guys, the ones getting help, thinking about getting help, wanting to get help. Wanting to make things better
YOU are showing true strength, and inspire me every day, and help me keep going in my own recovery process :)
So I'll wrap it up now, this rambling post that started at A, went round the houses a little, and hopefully ended up at B (I think!)
I'll finish with a question for you-
What makes you strong?
Love, hugs, dreams and prayers