Saturday, March 26, 2011

the mother inside'
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I used to have a different therapist, but one under the same first name. 
There was a session we had one time where she took out a copy of the Sue Monk Kidd's "The Secret Life of Bees" and read me the following.

"August stepped closer. She kept the pressure steady against my hand. 'All those times your father treated you mean, Our Lady was the voice in you that said, "No, I will not bow down to this. I am Lily Melissa Owens. I will not bow down." Whether you could hear this voice or not, she was in there saying it.' "
"I took my other hand and placed it on top of hers, and she moved her hand free on top of it, so we had this black-and-white stack of hands resting upon my chest.
" 'When you're unsure of yourself,' she said, 'when you start pulling back into doubt and small living, she's the one inside saying, "Get up from there and live like the glorious girl you are." She's the power inside you, you understand?'
"Her hands stayed where they were but released their pressure. 'And whatever it is that keeps widening your heart, that's Mary, too, not only the power inside you but the love. And when you get down to it, Lily, that's the only purpose grand enough for a human life. Not just to love-but to persist in love.'
"She paused. Bees drummed their sound into the air. August retrieved her hands from the pile on my chest, but I left mine there.
" 'This Mary I'm talking about sits in your heart all day long, saying, "Lily, you are my everlasting home. Don't you ever be afraid. I am enough. We are enough." '
"I closed my eyes, and in the coolness of the morning, there among the bees, I felt for one clear instant what she was talking about.
"When I opened my eyes, August was nowhere around. I looked back toward the house and I saw her crossing the year, her white dress catching the light."

This might be controversial to some - the idea of this black madonna inside of everyone, but I think those that find it controversial are taking it too much at it's surface value. 

This was one of my favorite sessions with my last therapist... This understanding I felt we shared when I left that room that you are enough. that everyone is. That there is a voice and a power - a spark inside that may get more faint at times... but that persists. That, in essence, it is a mother inside of you. The mother everyone needs and wants. Everyone does have in fact. Inside of them. That voice that tells them that they are okay. That they are enough. 

The voice that persists in love. 

That voice will never die, you just have to make sure to listen to it... and it will grow stronger. That voice personifies in compassion to others and moreso to oneself...  It is our caretaker, showing us that we can be our own mother. We can provide ourselves with that unconditional love - and that we should do so. What's more is that you can take that mother inside with you wherever you go. Nurture yourself and you nurture that voice.

You may not have had a warm and fuzzy mother as a child. That's okay, because you can be that mother to yourself. You deserve that mother and that mother lies within you. When we get older sometimes we think that we outgrow our need for parents and being parented, but we don't. Part of parenting is that love and nurture and care or comfort. We ALWAYS will be in need of that at moments in our lives.

We all are deserving of compassion and of love. The journey to those things starts with showing it to ourselves. We can love ourselves as though we are our own mothers. We all have that inside of ourselves.

1 comment:

  1. this is thought provoking. i've never considered that. strikes me as taking a certain kind of bravery to grant one's self that mother.


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