Monday, March 21, 2011

Give Peace A Chance...

"I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way"

Why is the idea of loving yourself such a scary one? Why do we, as a society, not embrace ourselves? Why do we not allow ourselves to be kind to our bodies? Why do we hit the self destruct button? I see it everyday, from disordered people to alcoholics. Something along the line, maybe when we were 5 or maybe 25, wen't wrong. Maybe we made a few mistakes, but we beat ourselves up over these things far too much. Once we hate one thing, that's it. We hate it all. So... here's a challenge. Body image an issue? Stand infront of the mirror in the morning and pick out FIVE things about your body that you like. I garuntee once you start, the positives will just roll off your tongue.

"I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
What I do know is how I changed my life forever
I know I should know better"

I remember the first time I felt... uncomfortable eating with other people. I was sat in the lounge, having my usual bowl of Vegetable Pasta, when I felt these eyes on me. These awkward eyes...and noticed my mother just staring at me. For no reason, watching every mouthful I took in. Since that day, since last August, I have not eaten a single meal with my parents, I've managed a snack about once. A cereal bar, that's it. What is with this fear of public eating? It is so irrational, isn't it? I stopped eating outdoors or where anyone else could see me completely, it is incredibly lonely. I've rarely been able to eat with anyone else, because all I can think about is how awful I must look. At the end of the day all I'm doing is nourishing myself. Is it just me or has this society, this glamourised world we live in, taught us it is wrong to enjoy food? To label foods as 'good' and 'bad'? So.. this is my way of biting back, rather literally:

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Meredith: "I think you can't wait for someone to fly underneath you and save your life. I think you have to save yourself."
George: "You mean, the pigeons aren't going to come?"
Meredith: "The pigeons aren't going to come."

Unless someone is really willing to take on recovery, atleast even give it a fleating thought, you can give them all the advice until the cows come home and it won't make an ounce of difference. I think for me this is only something i've learnt recently, I mean really recently. Since my latest appointment with the dietition and my awesome epiphany, i've began taking it abit more seriously. No, alot more seriously. I've also found myself giving slightly more.. useful advice to others. I think this is because I know for most of it i'm not being a hypocrite anymore. I mean.. of course i've slipped a few times, who dosn't? It's like a baby learning to walk, little steps and slips. After the inital step, it isn't as difficult as it seems. Going to the Supermarket is usually a total nightmare for me but when I really tried, putting my music on as a distraction and walking through those doors determined as ever, it wasn't as bad as usual. Looking away from the calories is still difficult although I'm not making an exact count every day, monitering it every second and constantly calculating. I'm begining to let go, i'm begining to start again, i'm begining to learn how to live my life and love it. Don't take a moment for granted.

"Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."


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