And not giving in to your thoughts.
So, it’s only 5 days to until Christmas, my, has this year flown by for me!
Am I excited?
Yes because I get to spend some quality time with my family.
But I’m also a little anxious too.
You see, for many years now, Christmas time has not been very easy for me. Many with an eating disorder can find the holiday period stressful. A lot of emphasis is put on food and there can also be a feeling of pressure to ‘conform’.
In the past, although I’ve enjoyed being with my family, inside I have often felt frustrated, alone and terrified. Watching those I love let go, eat good food and make merry whilst I tortured and denied myself, not just the food but the experience too.
And then of course there was last year. I spent my Christmas day and New Years Eve in a hospital. My Mum was alone and deeply afraid for her daughter, my Dad pretty much the same (although he at least had his wife with him)
No presents were exchanged, no laughter was had. All in all it was a pretty awful time for all of us.
I clearly remember sitting there, looking at the hospital Christmas tree and thinking;
“No Christmas of mine will ever be like this again”
But I’m not telling you all this to make you feel sorry for me. Nor am I wallowing in what was.
The fact is, this year I am not in hospital. And although not yet fully recovered, I am healthier and stronger.
This year I will be spending it with my family. Gifts will be passed around, there will be laughter and yes, I will be eating yummy food and enjoying the whole experience too!
I’ m not putting pressure on myself however, what will be will be. It’s not about the food (must be included though!) or the presents, but the company and the fun.
The main thing is I will be there!
And I will look after myself too.
It really is only one day but it is a day I want to look back on and smile.
Whatever your plans are this Christmas; please look after yourself as well. Let go if you can and just allow yourself to enjoy being present and apart of the celebrations. Don’t put pressure on yourself to ‘keep up’ with everyone else, it’s not about that. Do what you know is the right thing for you. Don't give into your self destructive thoughts and let your eating disorder dominate your day.
I’ll be thinking of you…
Wishing you an extremely Happy Christmas.
With Much Love, Smiles, & Support.
PS: Here's a link to Beat: Coping At Christmas which provides some good support and pointers. There's also Something Fishy that's worth checking out too.
Don't be alone! <3