Saturday, September 3, 2011

DBT, fear, and commitment

I've spoken before in the past about fears. This week was one to confront a huge one I've had... Also known as DBT...

I saw my therapist on Wednesday and I quite possibly was not the most pleasant to her (though I did compromise more than normal on the weighing front). I felt super overwhelmed by all of this paperwork and the impending first night of DBT group. I wasn't even sure when I left Laura's office if I was going to go... I got home from her office with three hours or so before I had to leave for the group. Giving me a long time to mull it over... and have a glass of wine

I wound up bribing myself with the promise of Starbucks (which proved highly effective - and as a bonus the warmth of the to-go cup made me feel comforted)

I arrived about 10-15 minutes early, which proved to be a good thing as I physically felt like I could not open the door to the office suite until mere seconds before... Going in was just as scary as I had no idea where to go once inside... and once again I felt super overwhelmed.. and scared. However, I got through it... and it didn't kill me... and I'm proud (that's a scary word...) that I went.

I'm not going to say it turned out to be an amazing night, but I finally faced my fear... which was a good thing.  I won't say the night was an eye opening one...  We highlighted things/events that for us generate good emotions... and I would estimate 90% of mine centered around physical activity - which was as insightful as the evening got. Nothing else worth mentioning happened in those 1.5 hours...

I'm going to give it awhile before I make an official decision about whether or not it's for me... But once again, it feels good to have finally taken the leap... The timing still feels odd to me, since I won't see Laura for like 3ish weeks due to my schedule and her's... but I'm just going to go with the flow and truly try it out.

When you try stuff out you really do need to commit while trying it, instead of just going through the motions... the latter disables you from seeing the whole picture and getting the full potential out of it - it becomes a chore and sometimes with that can come resentment... 

What does fully committing mean though? For me it will mean filling out those diary cards.. attempting to get health insurance (so I can't use lack of insurance as an excuse to not see a doctor - which is pretty much the reason I have avoided trying to get it... well, that and the term "pre-existing condition")... attempting to do the homework... and showing up Wednesday nights.

here's to trying to break down fears... and to committing. to DBT and maybe as a result to myself

oh and if you have some random spare time to kill and want to watch me face another fear, you can watch the following.

Day 5 of the 30 Days of Shamelessness: Show Your Efforts Doing Something You're Not Good At... aka singing... but there IS a saving point - my dog is pretty stellar in this video

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