All Is Not Lost
Last week I took a break from blogging. It was the first time since I began my weekly posts that I’d done this and, whilst I missed you, I knew that I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do so.
You see, last week I wasn’t doing so well. I guess you could say I’d lost my way a bit. At the time I felt like I’d relapsed and I was struggling to see a way back.
But, after much self-assessment, self-belief, determination and of course, much support, I did indeed find my way again.
And, as a wonderful friend of mine pointed out to me, there is such a difference between having a ‘relapse’ and a ‘lapse’ in recovery. And this is true whether it be in recovery from an eating disorder or alcoholism, whilst trying to quit smoking or any form of addiction.
It applies to life itself.
Whilst I feel a relapse can mean that you feel completely hopeless and have totally given in to old behaviours again, a lapse can ‘simply’ mean that you’ve stumbled a little but that doesn’t mean that all is lost.
Okay so you’ve had a bad day or week, heck even a month, it doesn’t mean you’re no longer on the right path. So long as you recognise you’re headed for danger and take charge again by firstly asking for help, and secondly looking after you by not being so hard on yourself too.
Mistakes do happen and emotions run high. Some old habits do occur and yes, loneliness and wanting to isolate can once again creep in, but by remembering that you’re human and you’re not alone, you can get through anything.
Recovery is such hard work and it is exhausting. It’s bloody scary if not terrifying at times but it’s so worth it.
Recovery is about rediscovering yourself again. It’s about eating out with family once more. It’s about sharing cake with good friends. It’s about laughing and that laughter reaching your eyes. It’s about looking forward to what lies ahead and not panicking about the present.
Recovery is walking towards blue skies and sunshine.
Life is not perfect. In my opinion perfection doesn’t exist. And even if it did, who’d want that anyway?
Recovery means freedom, not giving up and knowing that
All is not lost.
Not now, not ever.
With Much Love, Smiles & Support.
Hanna xx
Thank you for sharing this, H. I have realized that these "lapses" - my steps back provide vital information. They are indicators that I am going back and performing a behavior that no longer works for me. Instead of psychologically flogging myself because I didn't automatically choose the "Recovery" way, I can simply use this as important data that something was going on that needs examining and a gentle reminder that today I have choices to do something different. I continue to remind myself that some of my greatest mistakes beget the greatest wisdom.
ReplyDeletethankyou for sharing lapses I feel are part of the journey. They make you stronger and in my opinion each lapse I have had I have then been able to overcome them quicker each time. keep going with and never give up. xxx
ReplyDeletethis is such an important distinction, and I think both are a of recovery. Working through them and moving on is so critical. Glad things are going better <3
ReplyDeleteScott
That was a really important and necessary post.
ReplyDeleteI agree, recovery is full of "lapses" and ups and downs, and stumbles, and things we achieve, and things we lose sight of etc
Relapses are about long lapses.
They signify the slow emergence of sickness over wellness.
You are fighting the good fight.
You have made the choice to recover and you most certainly are not relapsing.
You are learning.
Keep fighting little one <3