when bad things happen

So the original post concept was going to be about worth.

Once again, I'm telling you I'm postponing publishing that post... So now (because I keep forgetting to ask people to guest post) you're going to get me yet again...

So, you know I live in what's considered the most dangerous city in the United States. Well, I live in an area with bicycle patrolmen, police officers, and another form of law enforcement... We have a neighborhood association... and my roommate and I have never experienced a problem until this morning.

She came from from the local strip of bars (all within walking distance) and on my doorstep was robbed at gunpoint.  The two guys took her wallet, her friend's wallet, both of their cell phones, and her house keys. I won't go into further details, but needless to say she was incredibly shaken up...

So early early this morning I found myself on a run/walk to try to clear my head about the fact that a mere TWO hours prior two men with guns were on my doorstep.. One with his gun literally touching my roommate's head.

I'm a bit frazzled and instead of completely doing what I would have in the past -- telling myself I had no right to be... I went on a SLOW run to allow myself to semi process some thoughts (including going to talk to my landlady about replacing our lock -- we live REALLY close to a building that's identifiable so it's possible they could one day try a few houses near it knowing they robbed keys from one of the girls there) among other things. Also about moving... which to be fair I've been thinking about for awhile... The part of the neighborhood I live in, is safe... or I thought so... I'd done all that crime mapping stuff - and even doing one right now tells me that all the way four blocks down for the past month there hasn't been a single other first degree robbery. Obviously I'm trying to reconcile within myself how this happened... My guess is it has to do with that bar strip... and they probably assumed people getting home at 4:30-5am had been drinking... I don't know... You can't rationalize stuff like this though....

Anyways, I didn't go for a long or super fast run (I still did my normal one block full blown can barely breathe - almost keeping up with the cars driving - sprint --- but I always do that even if I'm walking) nor did I make plans to binge or purge... nor did I COMPLETELY tell myself I had no right to feel anything since it wasn't me.. I'm not saying I'm allowing myself to let this fully sink in... but I'm not depriving myself entirely either (obviously since I'm jotting this out).

Frazzled is the only thing I can think of at the moment that I am... and thankful too...

I really really feel for my roommate... We may not get along very well, but I truly do hurt for her on some level at the moment. Since we're not close I'm going to let her heal in her own way - with her own support network (she has a LOT of friends)... and just slowly process things...

Anyways, I will post that worth post on Wednesday... I just really felt like pecking at the keys this morning. Sorry there's no huge message here, but like I said I just really needed to hear the sound of my keyboard.