((image credit to The Foundation Stone ))
So it's been a while since I posted, and I was trying think of a topic for this post. And then this week happened. And all of a sudden I had my topic.
Forgiving yourself and forgiving others.
I learnt this week, that keeping things inside does not do you any good. It twists you up, and gets heavier and heavier dragging you further down. But it does it without you even realising it. Tricky thing. Until you let it go. Until you talk openly with people about it, and all of a sudden you're free. It feels like a ten tonne weight has been lifted from your shoulders, the ball and chain around your ankle has gone and boy does that freedom feel good.
And that was just forgiving someone else for something that happened nearly a decade ago (yeh I'm pretty good at holding grudges!)
The best thing I did this week, was to forgive myself. Forgive myself for things in my past, that I felt I needed to move on from. This week has really proven to me that eating disorders are not just about the food. It's great to be able to increase your intake, reduce your eating disordered behaviours, and become more physically healthy
But unless you deal with the issues inside- emotional and mental ones- you soon reach a bit of a standstill. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled, and old wounds never healed.
For me, it's time to move on, and stop dwelling on past 'mistakes', and now look to the future.
Things that have happened have shaped who I am, but they do not define me.
I am more than my past mistakes, and I will allow myself to move forward, into a wonderful future because I know I am worthy of it.
I forgive myself, because I deserve happiness and my health, and I hope you can too