A big part of having an eating disorder is looking in the mirror and not liking what we see. But, ask any man or woman if they do & I’ll bet the vast majority of answers would be that they don’t either. The problem we face when battling with an eating disorder is looking in the mirror and not seeing what others see, complete body distortion.
And it doesn’t matter how many times we are told, “You are beautiful” “You are not fat” “You are too thin” “You look lovely” - We struggle to accept this, or just flat out disbelieve it. Suddenly those we trusted with our lives have become liars to us. Those that love & care for us, respect us and believe in us. The mother who gave birth to us, the friend who grew up with us. Even the woman who serves us in our local deli is at it!
But what if, just what if others weren’t lying to us? What if they were in fact telling us the honest truth? What if, our eating disorders were the one feeding us lies and those that love and care about us were actually telling us how it is? What if?
Well I’ve come to the realisation recently that they’re probably not. I mean, that’s a lot of people bullshitting me. And what would the point be? Also, did they all form an alliance to be sure they all tell me the same lies? I doubt it! That would take a lot of time and effort and surely these people have better things to do? After all, it’s not all about me….
I don’t think I want to trust-in and believe my eating disorder anymore. After years of listening to its lies and bitter words that leave me feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I think I want to start listening to those I love & trust, respect & admire.
I know self-acceptance doesn’t just happen overnight. And actually learning to love yourself can take time. But I also know it is possible. For both you & myself. One day soon I will be able to look myself right in the eye and say “Hanna, you are beautiful, just as you are….
And for now, I’m going to join your ‘Team of Liars’ & tell you “You are Beautiful, just as you are”
Of course you don’t believe me but you will….
With Much Love, Smiles & Support,
Hanna x x x
