And extremely mixed up dreams….
Oh the joy of feelings and emotions!! And boy, I am feeling a lot right now!
Some very positive; Passion, excitement, happiness and some not so; Anger, sadness and pain.
But you know what? I’m feeling! And that in itself feels great!
You see for so long I was numb and cold. I couldn’t feel anything except the hunger in my stomach and the bitterness in my throat.
At times I wanted to but it all just felt like too much. It was as though I couldn’t handle what us as human beings go through so instead would turn to my eating disorder as a way of escape.
But as I’m coming more into life, and into my body, I’m finally starting to ‘thaw out’ and open the floodgates to emotions locked away for far too long.
The anger I feel is very much directed at my eating disorder.
The sadness I feel is over time, love and life lost
and the pain from suddenly being so aware of all this.
But at last, the anger is toward my eating disorder and not myself or those I love.
Yes I’ve lost a lot of time through being ill but I still have so much time ahead of me.
Love may have been lost too but I’m opening myself up to so much more now.
Starting with love for myself.
And yes, it’s painful to become aware of all this but it’s a drive to keep going too...
There is no way around, only through.
I’ve also been having some extremely mixed up dreams, full of the past, present and future. They have been very vivid and incredibly strong. But I’m actually happy to be dreaming again! My nights have been void of dreams for so long and if there have been any, they would normally be food/anxiety related.
These ones are bold and beautiful!
When you are open, so is life and all its opportunities.
Feel all you need to feel.
Allow yourself to experience all that comes with recovery, with coming back
With much Love, Smiles & Support,