And
extremely mixed up dreams….
Oh
the joy of feelings and emotions!! And boy, I am feeling a lot right now!
Some
very positive; Passion, excitement, happiness and some not so; Anger, sadness
and pain.
But
you know what? I’m feeling! And that in itself feels great!
You
see for so long I was numb and cold. I couldn’t feel anything except the hunger
in my stomach and the bitterness in my throat.
At
times I wanted to but it all just felt like too much. It was as though
I couldn’t handle what us as human beings go through so instead would turn to
my eating disorder as a way of escape.
But
as I’m coming more into life, and into my body, I’m finally starting to ‘thaw
out’ and open the floodgates to emotions locked away for far too long.
The
anger I feel is very much directed at my eating disorder.
The
sadness I feel is over time, love and life lost
and the pain from suddenly
being so aware of all this.
But
at last, the anger is toward my eating disorder and not myself or those I love.
Yes I’ve lost a lot of time through being ill but I still have so much time
ahead of me.
Love may have been lost too but I’m opening myself up to so much
more now.
Starting with love for myself.
And yes, it’s painful to become aware
of all this but it’s a drive to keep going too...
There is no way around, only through.
I’ve
also been having some extremely mixed up dreams, full of the past, present and
future. They have been very vivid and incredibly strong. But I’m actually happy
to be dreaming again! My nights have been void of dreams for so long and if
there have been any, they would normally be food/anxiety related.
These ones are bold
and beautiful!
~
When
you are open, so is life and all its opportunities.
Feel
all you need to feel.
Allow yourself to experience all that comes with
recovery, with coming back
to life!
With
much Love, Smiles & Support,
Hanna xx
